My world is changing. I'm rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Grey's Anatomy

Ann-Anise

You can either throw in the towel, or use it to wipe off your sweat.

Nostalgia - It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It let’s us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.

This describes how I feel today. Feeling the need to go back...back to that time. Maybe not to change anything but just to relive the moments. I feel like it was all a dream because nothing happens in real life the way it happened in those moments. Oh those memories, I think about them frequently.

Ann-Anise.

There's once in a lifetime and there's once in a while...& the difference between the two is about a million miles.

Ann-Anise.

They don't need to be reminded you're great

When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy. You hid it from your parents and you ate it until you got sick. In college, it was the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well, you know. As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should. 'Cause good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing. Grey's Anatomy

So many of us find ourselves thinking things were so great. Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did.

Ann-Anise.

Dry Spell...

Slack is not the word for my recent blogging habits. For now, I don't have a better word to replace it so slack will have to do. I have been writing so much for school, my creativity has hit a "dry spell." Know that when I say "dry spell"--I mean it. Like the old married couple who sleep in different rooms, I'm serious. Sitting on this computer and writing seems impossible after I work all day, go to school at night, and come home to walk Jade. I love writing, its always been something I'm good at. Because my blog has become an outlet for me and somewhat of an entertainment source for others, its hard to just give it up. I'm not doing away with my blog but be patient with me while I'm in my "dry spell." Oh, how I want my creativity back!

Ann-Anise.

say whatever you like but you will never say I didnt try.

There are many things people may say about me; probably label me something unheard of.

I can promise you one thing they will NEVER say...
She Didnt Try.

10/21/10
Ann-Anise.

True Story-Health Care Crisis.

Pictured is a young physician by the name of Dr. Roger Starner Jones. His short two-paragraph letter to the White House accurately puts the blame on a "Culture Crisis" instead of a "Health Care Crisis"

Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular R&B ringtone.

While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one pack of cigarettes every day, eats only at fast-food take-outs, and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer. And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's health care? I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture" a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me". Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our nation's health care difficulties will disappear.


Respectfully,

ROGER STARNER JONES, MD

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation. Half of my heart takes time."

"Comparisons are easily done, once you’ve had a taste of perfection"

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Passion

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction ;)

The angels from Heaven did not sing. There were no fireworks or flashing lights. Nothing as fancy as bow or a curtsy. This was more like a moment held still in time. The only reason I recognised this now is because I have seen it once before...but just once. A few seconds is all it takes and that's it...that's all I needed.
Oh and how the seconds make me smile :)

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

But I know one fact, I'll be one tough act to follow.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4.

& things change. They just do.
& as I once said, I will stay like this forever; it'll be like time stood still.

Because then, it was all about kidding myself.
These days, I have a pretty firm policy about such things- nothing stays the same.
Honestly, when you get down to it, it's all pretty simple...just keep moving forward & don't look back.
The past eight months has made me a stranger to most.
 There are very few remnants of the person I used to be.
I can't make up my mind about this change, but I'm better for it.

Nise.

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fails. Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame.

So I have learned a valuable lesson in school shopping. The lesson learned was do not wait till the Saturday before school starts to go to Walmart. Its an act of Congress to fight through the soccer moms that try to fit three buggies down each row of school supplies just so you can get some paper.
Just don't do it people. Its not worth the fight.

Oh the other hand, church was amazing today. It was a much needed service that spoke right to my heart.
It spoke to my doubts about letting things in the past ( hurt, pain, excuses...etc.) go.
You cannot possibly move forward with any plan God has for your future if you refuse let go of the past. It was a confirmation I have been praying about for some time now and it was more than a weight lifted from my shoulders when I heard this message.

Isaiah 43:18-19
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

long but worth the read.
picked it up and felt the need to share.

-MARRIAGE-

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce- At least, in the eyes of our son- I'm a loving husband."

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise

On A Steel Horse I Ride...

Sometimes, when you're in the middle of a defining moment, you realize that it's not just any another brief span of time, but a really good junction in you life. And in the split second you realize this, your stomach flips, your toes curl, and your brain goes very, very soft- so soft that you wouldn't be able to think about anything of importance, even if it became absolutely necessary. And you sigh. In defeat as much as satisfaction, because that twinkle in time has won out over everything else.

That is what this memory does to me.

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
Romans 8:25-26

 

Nise

‎Don't look back sweet heart, it's bad luck. Hope Floats

"And she was happy. She was relaxed and one hundred percent herself all the time. And not just accepted, but adored for it. She didn't care about the age difference, because it didn't seem to matter. Except in the singular instance when it did."

" I just don't have time for us right now, not enough time to give you what you deserve."

"She wanted to be a mother one day. He already had his shot at parenting and didn't want to do it again. He was crazy about her, but afraid she would be missing out on the chance to have what she really deserved. Which was more than he could muster up to give. She then sank to her knees on the carpet and cried.

Because she was happy, and now she is not."

At first, I just stared from afar thinking he must have gotten her confused with someone else. This doesn't happen to her- she lets nothing come close to her heart. So guarded with a strong heart. I had never, in my whole life of being friends with her, seen her sink to this point about someone she was with.

Despite everything I'd always believed, breaking up is actually really easy to do.
It's the aftermath that causes all the agony.

Be bitter, or get better. Life is all about choices

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

P.S. I love you girl.

If you think I am out of reach, I am. If you think you're fast enough, you aren't

Some days I just cant find the words. Sometimes I just cant muster up the energy to bring out suppressed emotions to write. I know I need to write it out before it burst out-in tears. I don't know why I hold the whole world on my shoulders and I feel like I have to do it alone- without any ones help...and that's why I have this blog- to decompress, ha ha.

People, there is just no end to the list of things I can worry about. I mean, nothing should require this much pondering, but I put in the effort, maybe care too much...because that's the kind person I am. I don't like to see people stressed, in chaos, or hurt. So I will do whatever it takes to stop it. Even if, it turns out that means absorbing the stress myself. I might be broke, but I will make myself broker to stop you from crying. The end result being that I get cranky and need to nap a lot. Most of my time off in fact.
Don't judge my heart or mind- you cant even imagine.

I will make you a wall to this people, a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue and save you, declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 15:20

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

A Like Letter- I Think Thats What I Like Best.

Dear You,

I didn't even realize you were on my mind until my phone lit up with your name. I smiled, and said to my empty bedroom, "Oh, hello you!"

I like how it's almost impossible for me to keep my emotions to myself while you're telling a story. I want to throw my hands in the air; one to cover my mouth and the other held out in front of me as if to say, Stop! You can't be serious! I like that we both cant help but smile when we look at each other.

"Only if you want to," I say.

"I do, but only if you want to"

"No sir, its up to you"

I like how I don't have to wonder -- or worry, for that matter -- where we're going. We both know its in Gods hands. Not many trust that. I'm proud of us; we're happy just being ourselves; and being ourselves works really great together.

I like how we can say ridiculous things and not be embarrassed. I like that I get to act like I'm living in a movie and you just continue to be the sweetest person. I like that you know the answers I don't, even if I have to pull them out of you. That you let me bust your chops, and you mine. That we grew up a lot, and now we get to be this.

I think maybe that's what I like best.

Like,

Me

The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still. Exodus 14:14

We've all been there, the days when you would rather beat your head against the wall than to deal with the reality of whats really going on around you. The fact that I have no control of the outcome, when the situation is about me, puts me under more stress. Still, not as much stress as the week to come. Here comes the waiting...oh joy! The past four days of my life have been this, and the adult world only offers promises of more of the same. Can't we just rewind to just a few days before when life was simple- when things just fell into place without effort? Because that's exactly what it was- effortless, because it fell into place like it was meant to be that way. Feeling sorry for yourself is not an option because it's horribly pointless. You're a big girl! BUT...There's always a but. For me, the emotional byproduct of the situation hasn't been feeling sorry for myself. No woe is me. Rather, it's been an intense feeling of missing, and not understanding. It's not gloomy out right now, which if it was, it would be the perfect backdrop for feeling nostalgic and for casting a perfectly rosy glow on a perfectly imperfect time in my life.

I'm okay with this because I have put things in Gods hands. Most of my prayers have been answered. Today in church I had another question answered, and in my heart I know...He alone knows the outcome, and soon enough I will have other answers I need. I put all of my trust in Him.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Patience is trusting Gods timing. & His timing couldn't have been any more perfect for this situation

As I have stated before I try not to write about the current romantic climate of my life to protect my own interests. Omission saves relationships from too much scrutiny, spares the people themselves from being too aware of my tendencies to over-think, and it protects me from over-exposing a rare but sometimes too-tender heart. BUT for anyone to understand what I'm talking about I first have to say- I met the family.

I met most all of the family. Which I must say was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed myself.
Then the next day I met...the grandpa.
Now don't judge me by this topic but it made a big impression on me.
Some people will need a time line in order to understand or accept how I felt.
I guess I never thought it should matter if I knew this man five days, five years, or only for the five seconds it took for him to hug and kiss me in the same way my grandpa did years ago. It wasn't enough that he looked like my grandpa...he even hugged and kissed me the same way.
I was taken back- with a tinge of sadness; there doesn't have to be a reason or a number to justify that.

I was grandpa's doll. I was the first granddaughter- the one who rode on the tracker with him through the pastures. He bought me my first horse...just because I asked him to. I took his shoes and socks off every night after he came in from a long day. I was the one holding his right hand when he died. He was the only one I hugged around his neck and he gave me a kiss at the same time.

up until that moment.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead! I Peter 1:6

This would be my sister-in-law/best friend Kristina. & This is also the woman that will be making me an AUNT 2/2011. I'm so happy to announce my best friend that married my brother 3/2010 is now having a baby!

Yes > that would be the first sign of the newest addition to the family. I'm so excited :)

The fact that my brother has a child on the way is so far out, I can hardly stand it. He will be a great, if absurd, daddy. I assume that has a great deal to do with his wife's firm and loving touch.

Our family is blessed.

"Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!"

-I Peter 1:6

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

I'll say a prayer with every heart beat

Twenty Five Random Facts

1. My life revolves around God, my family, my friends, figure skating, my job, school, the lake, and good times :)

2. Currently it is overcast on Memorial Day Weekend & it SUCKS

3. I wish I still had my Camaro that I murdered a few years ago.

4. My dog snores and barks so loud in her sleep she wakes me up all the time during the night.

5. I just got off the phone with my new sister Kristina- she is my other half.  

6. The best most baddest assed rock came from the 90's. Stop it you know it did.

7. I don't smoke or drink- most everyone that finds that out asks why...I don't understand that.

8. I don't like to spend the night with friends- I cant get any sleep.

9. I paid off my BMW one week ago :)

10. I love my job more than most people know. I get to work with some of the smartest & funniest people around.

11. Ignorance is bliss.

12. I spend most every Sunday going to church and spending the day with my family.

13. Wake boarding is my summer love.

14. Most people don't impress me. I know they have just as many problems as I do...if not more. But if for some reason you do...ill keep you close.

15. I overestimate people too often, and underestimate myself.

16. I'm a very busy person- people mistake this as a blow off-but its just the truth.

17. I find myself praying all the time. I know this will make a difference...in every ones life including my own.

18. I Google everything...EVERYTHING.

19. I miss my little cousins so much. They are continuing to grow into beautiful young women- and I'm not around to see it or influence it.

20. I get up at least four times a night on average to pee.

21. I think Whitney Houston's crackhead ass has one of the most beautiful singing voices. "How will I know if he really loves me? I'll say a prayer with every heart beat." oooo OO OOOoooo

22. I love being so settled and content with my happiness

23. Giving figure skating lessons makes me so happy, and makes me feel like I'm making a difference.

24. I work with my mom, and I'm always around my brother Daniel, and Kristina. We're all so close.

25. And last but most certainly not least, whenever I meet people and start to talk to them I ask a million questions. Life amazes me, and how other people see it does more. I always have a question to ask.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

You Make It Real For Me by James Morrison

This is a random post full of questions from a Note I found on facebook.

What bill do you hate paying the most?

It used to be my car payment-until I paid it off last week. Now its my house payment.

Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?

Ummm.......hang on......wait......wait for it.....
HA! Yeah its been so long I dont remember.

What do you really want to be doing right now?

Maybe having that romantic dinner im lacking haha

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?

It was the first one hanging in my closet.

What were you doing before this?

I was out running with Jade.

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?

Its too early for this nonsense.

Last thought before going to sleep last night?

Who knows. Probably alot of things considering the person I was on the phone with before I fell asleep.

Do you miss being a child?

I miss simplicity. Although I don’t resent becoming an adult. I’m ready to keep going... my time for being a child is done.

What errand/chore do you despise?

I hate to vacuum- that thing is as big and weighs as much as I do & Im supposed to push it all around the house. Why would I enjoy that?

Get up early or sleep in?

It depends on how much sleep I had or how much energy I expended the day before.

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?

 Brad Pitt- haha dont judge me

Have you ever crashed your vehicle?

Yes. I murdered my Camaro. RIP...

Do you go to church?

Yes, & I love it.

At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?

I love my job. I work the some of the most amazing people. A new relationship? As long as its a real, honest, truly comfortable one-yes.

Do you have a go to person?

I have a select few people I can always go to about anything

Are you where you want to be in life?

Philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength

 Growing up, what were your favorite cartoons?

The good Saturday morning ones. Which translated into Looney Tunes and other various, similar cartoons.

What about you do you think has changed the most?

Since when?? Ultimately I guess I’d say my freedom and maturity of thought, although my tendency to think in general is not really much different than it ever was. My understanding of life and people has changed tremendously.

Looking back at high school, were they the best years of your life?

I hope not. I wasnt a fan of high school at all I hope that I have many more amazing years ahead of me to look forward to.

Who do you think impacted your life the most?

God.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

About as useful as a white crayon.

I picked the wrong time to come back to Augusta from Lincolnton. I forgot about the fishing tournament going on this weekend at WildWood. This would be Jade & I sitting in bumper bumper traffic between WildWood and Pollards Corner. We were both annoyed-haha

.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise

"You can fool the fans but not the players"

“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things- with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.”  Corazon Aquino

I'm exhausted. In more ways than one. This beach trip was the best get-a-way, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

Our beach trip started out with a bang when we're pulled over by a cop in Millin. He says we were doing 62 in a 35 work zone-but that's another lie to add to the list told. After we sat there 30 min while he called for backup, he wrote two tickets- one for each car, and then we were beach bound...again. We arrived in Tybee between seven thirty and eight that morning. New friends, weather was amazing, and the memories made-priceless. My friends are truly amazing, they're one of a kind, and I would not trade them for anything.

I have always taken great comfort that, regardless of the emotion expressed, you can look at my blog and know I'm being true. We're all so different, but we've also all felt the same at one time or another. There are very FEW things in life that a trip to Tybee cannot fix, but - "You can fool the fans but not the players."- and this slap in the face still hurt when I returned.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent

Once the truth comes out, because it always does, you get a slap in the face for just now realizing that you have loved someone that constantly lies to you. Over and over again, even after begging for the truth. Sometimes it feels like a punishment, for a sin I don’t remember committing. That's what happened. I got a big slap in the face (not literally) for realizing YEARS later that I was the ONLY one who did not know what was going on in my own situation. This behavior could, at best, be described as amoral, and at worst, just a hair shy of deliberately cruel.

When I found out I was not upset, but glad this person decided he could finally stop lying- for no reason. From his mouth pours paranoia and hurtful word and from his eyes, tears. Since it has come out- the truth has made him a stranger. There are very few remnants of the person I thought I knew. In this profound epiphany, I feel as though there’s been a death. When I realized everything I knew or thought was a lie- it was so much loss to contend with, each new thought becomes a small funeral. I found myself with emotions so close to the surface I was sweating grief. And lacking a corpse, I forced myself to bury my expectations and my need for the way things were- because the way things were was a lie. I didn't want to play this game, all I ever asked for was truth.

 With this person I hardly recognize now.

I never mean to confuse anyone, but if it wasn't clear, you should know I don't write about the current romantic climate of my life to protect my own interests. I write about my past- this is my way of letting go so I can start to forgive and move forward with my future.

& remember, there is never any reason to lie- about anything. The truth always comes out...but the truth is a lot more easier on the heart than the lies will taste coming out of your mouth.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Jealously is a weak emotion, and it seeps through everything a hater does & says

In the Bible, the apostle James talks about counting all trials and tribulations as “joy” — and you should do the same thing when you start getting haters. Why? Because it means you’re DOING something!

“If you’re not pissing off at least one person per day–you’re not trying hard enough”.

"Ladies if you got 14 women hating on you, you need to figure out how to get to 16 before the summer gets here. If there’s any haters in here right now that don’t have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me.”

If you’re not pissing people off … if you’re not triggering emotion among a large portion of the average population … then you’re probably playing it safe. You’re probably afraid of flying high and being as awesome as you want to be because you don’t want people to hate you.

Here’s the thing though: you’ll always have haters.

“Haters Hate. That’s They Job!”

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

AWKWARD Tsunami.

Blake: They're moving me to South Augusta so I might not be back for a while- but im going to try to get back over here.

Nikki: You make that money

Blake: *smug grin* Yeah I was told I was a ballerrr


Katie & Nikki Laugh As I Walk Up & Blake Walks Away.
These Two Loves That I Work With Precede To Tell Me About This Waste Of Time Story With This Guy. It Is An Ongoing Joke Becuase He Picks Up Specimens At Our Office And Wont Even Come Up To The Desk If I'm Sitting There. He Is A Socially Awkward Talker So The Girls Like To Get A Laugh When They Can...While I Run Away.

*Laughter Fills The Room*


Oh dear, did she really just say that? And not only because the whole room thought it was funny ( including me) but because the wave of AWKWARD that shoots through the room like a tsunami when he is there.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3

I have found...

my heart. my faith. true friends. what really matters....and what never did. my sanity. my nerve. my gift with kids and animals alike. how much certain people in life mean to me. I cannot function without Google from day to day. answers to questions. clothes lost in my closet. good deals. mean people. amazing friends. broken spirits. tired souls. love. need to be original. I am not random to anyone in my life. the blessings God has sent me. a way to open my eyes and see His grace. that the best nights are the ones that leave me wanting more. most don't surprise me anymore. happiness. I am not the same person I was once upon a time. I enjoy doing the same things I picked on my mother and grandmother for doing when I was little. my drive to stay up late at night is zero...without motivation. its rare for MOST people to hold my interest for long. no makeup and a ponytail is my second nature. its getting easier to let things go. fighting to make a choice will drive me bananas. putting my trust in Gods hands is the ONLY way. I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was :)

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Coming SOON To A Theater Near YOU.

Im not sure if im just on mental overload or im just really confused.

Maybe im not confused at all. Maybe I see it very clearly and the situation is very straight forward...or maybe I just wish for that.

At any rate there is nothing I can do from the distance where I stand...or maybe there is...maybe there is an abundance of things that could change the outcome...but maybe theres not.

I feel a lot of thinking, maybe a disdainful grimace, followed up by a prayer coming soon.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Jennifer Yane

To my dismay, I had to walk away.

Turned my head around- made my limbs carry heavy feet across the ground.

A heart screaming with panic but my head never faltered.

Knowing my place, I hid my heart- never showing my face.

The path I walk has changed me so- it's unbelievable.

But walking away is inconceivable.

My faith will continue to keep me strong

and certain omission will carry me along.

I found a piece that was left behind

Maybe a part that I wasn’t looking to find.

I live for that feeling of awareness once more.

But until that day- I will just have to continue to pray.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Well Butter My Butt & Call Me Biscuit

Southern girls are God's gift to the entire male population. There is absolutely no woman finer than one raised below the mason-dixon line, and once you go southern, may the good Lord help you never go back.
Kenny Chesney

In the past few months I have started to realize that originating in Lincolnton has a lot to do with my current standard of living. People in the south are just different, each in their own.

This is how I grew up and random things I remember.

Waking up at grandmas on the weekends with her fixing me grits with butter and cheese <3

Stained glass windows in church every Sunday.

Ridding horses all around the back woods making trails.

Momma outside pulling weeds and me inside doing laundry.
On the lake every weekend :)

Fishing down at the pond with grandma every afternoon with leftover frozen hotdogs.
CJ & I ridding my horse-falling off-and hitting a truck that was parked at my grandpas shop.
(I busted the glass-CJ broke the grill-go big or go home.) haha
Playing the piano for the family every Thanksgiving.

Watching WWF-now WWE with my brother every Monday night.
Staying up till one in the morning watching TV wearing my grandmas silk pj's that drug the floor.
Ridding 'FoWillas' around Soap Creek and going muddin with the guys.

Megan & I waking up at six in the morning to go ride horses.

Pulling off my grandpas shoes when he came in at night.

Two amazing proms with two great friends that I went with each year.

My naturally blonde hair turning green during the summer because I stayed in the pool so much.

Wrecking the dirt bike and scarring my knee up.

Tybee Island, Ski Beech, Myrtle Beach-Enough Said.

My brother bringing home Kristina home for the first time- I knew then she was going to be my sister.

Ridding in the Lincolnton Parade with my horse Shadow.

Taking care of Lalla, Lucy, & Lillie <3

Tractor Pulls

The smell of my mom cooking.

Sitting with Janelle, & Mandy watching our friends win State Champs playing WW.

.

Eating Pizza & wathcing Walker Texas Ranger with my mom and grandma at the house in Washington.

Waking up in the middle of the night listening to the rain on the tin roof.

Winning Miss LC Most Photogenic, Miss LC First Runner Up, and Miss LCHS First Runner Up

MyLifeisGood.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise. <3

What You Feel Is What You Are & What You Are Is Beautiful

It really stings my butt to know that with the use of texting, emailing and IM its very easy for us to forget that there’s a real person with real feelings on the other end of the line. These things are great for keeping up with people in our lives but some lines should have been drawn a long time ago.

 Don't send a text, IM or email that you wouldn’t say in person, or at least over the phone. The feeling of anonymity, mixed with the technology provided, can make us feel very brave. That courage along with emotion lost in translation are just situations like the Titanic and the iceberg waiting to happen all over again. One more thing...texting, emailing and IM are not substitutes for phone calls or being in person.

Like I said, it stings but just realize that I can handle all of that along with the insecure, prone to idiocracies, punch-drunk on their games and just waiting for someone to save them. Because I refuse to settle for all of the nonsense is precisely why I am not another average cliché.

I have more to add but the sound of the rain on my sky light is drowning out my thoughts.
& I have prayed for rain WAY to long not to enjoy the sound of the pollen washing away mixed with answered prayers :)


Always & Forever,

Nise <3

Assassin- The Best They'd Ever Seen.

I work in the dead of night

When the world's quiet, no one is around

Track my moves, racing the yellow lights

To find the gate is open, she's waiting in the room

I just step on through
You get in, you get done and then you get gone

You never leave a trace, or show your face, you get gone

Should've turned around and left before the sun came up again. But the sun came up again

Enter the morning light

To find the day is burning the curtains and the wine

In a little white room

Though I'm not alone, her head is heavy on me

She's sleeping like a child

What could I do

You get in, you get done and then you get gone

You never leave a trace, or show your face, you get gone

Should've turned around and left before the sun came up again

But the sun came up again

I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen

I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing

I'm an assassin and I had a job to do

Little did I know that girl was an assassin too

John Mayer

Always & Forever,

Nise<3

You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand. John 13:7

Today has been amazing..for more than one reason thats for sure.

The message at church was amazing to say the least. It reached me in more ways than one. Before I knew it tears were running down my face. I cannot describe the ways that I was touched- I just know that God is with me. That thought alone can bring me to tears.

I spent half of the afternoon watching The Blinde Side with mi madre, and the other half visiting truely amazing friends. My movie review-SUCH an amazing and strong story line. More than I could have picked from seeing the trailers.

Beth: You're changing that boy's life.

Leigh Anne Touhy: No. He's changing mine.

I agree with this statement on a day to day basis. I have wrote about this before but will hit on it again. I believe everyone in your life is there for a reason and the ones that come into your life are lessons and blessings from God himself. Everyone should be your mirror and you should constantly try to better yourself with the help of blessings and lessons learned. We dont understand reasons certain people come into our lives but just know it is not without reason and its Gods plan. Just as it was said in church today- "You can see God everyday-just open your eyes."

Little Idgie Threadgoode: "What if God made a mistake?"

Buddy Threadgoode: "Well the way I see it is He doesn't make mistakes. I mean, He made sure we got together, didn't He?"
Fried Green Tomatoes

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise.

Promise.

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

- Christian D. Larson

"Tell em' you didnt want no horse and buggy anyways!" haha

Our Life at Augusta ENT

Me: I dont know what to say Katie: Tell em' you didnt want no horse and buggy anyways!

Steph: What choo mean its a boy MnM? Me: Its a boy MnM because it has a NUT in it.

(he shall not be named) "Play with it and see what you can make it do!" Me: Wow did you really just say that? (he shall not be named) haha atleast im not a catholic preist!

Steph: Just answer me! Me: I cant answer unless you ask the right questions.

Steph: Come to trivia tonight and eat with us at Mellow Mushroom! Me: SOME of us arent trying to look like a walrus...so ima go skate while you eat tonight.

Steph to Christina: we jus got big ole D's.

Me: I dont like to be touched Steph: ha but sometimes that pays the bills

Me to Jennifer: man it smells like fish & febreze in there.

Steph: im about to call and get nasty.

Katie: The NEXT time she asks me that im gonna reply..." When you get skinny!"

Me: whats up with this curl? it keeps poppin in my face! Steph sings to herself: poppin in my face

Me to Steph: I have zero tolerance for your kind of action.

Me to Steph: Blood Pressure Police.

Me to Josilyn: LIQUID SILVER NITRATE!

Steph: you right you right Me: True

Steph talking about me to Dr. Barfield: Yeah she sniffed up the sweettart laughing so hard-now her face burns haha

Steph to Me: So do you notice a difference in your butt since you wear those shoes?

Steph: DANG! Whats that? Must be a booggie.

(Sitting Next To Each Other) Me to Steph: If thats a text from you im gonna punch you in the throat

Me to Steph: Well they're not sterile anymore...not after you just breathed on them!

Steph to Josilyn: RubberDans! Do you need assorted sizes?

Haha Good Times!

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise<3

Cant Believe That You Were Really Here...

I have come to realize everything happens for a reason. Gods reason. No matter if I understand this reason or not...its the way it is. It is very hard to be humble about things like this when you have to put your trust into plans you have no control over. Because of this, I’ve been straddling the divide between reality and where I wanted to be. As time wears on and those two worlds grow further and further apart, I’ve struggled with the idea that I must either become smarter, deal with it better or fail, and be ripped apart with the shifting. Because of the last two weeks...today- I decided I was done. Not done loving or caring, but done straddling. Putting both feet firmly on the reality side of the line, I told myself I would no longer indulge in the unnecessary. He may have heard me and understood. He may have decided I was just like the rest of them – another serial participant. But my guess is the alternative, since I haven’t heard another word. Things like that are hard to accept but thats one of Gods amazing lessons. People will soon realize the dismiss and the satisfying grind can turn so quickly into the empty and meaningless if there is no one to share it with. Which is why sharing things like this without proximity or touching, with miles and miles between me and ones I think of, makes it easier to understand.
 So you see, I am alone here. But I am happy, & not lonely :)

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3