Lets be honest, shall we?

Honestly...being a mother is such an amazing thing. I understand everyone states how much motherhood can change your life but I never understood to what extent until recently. I have been desperately trying to figure out myself  and redefine my life now that I am known as "Jack's Mom." I know most of you will judge, not knowing the amount of change mothers go through, but I have to start being honest about it all before I go insane from keeping it inside. I will start by saying I am sorry. I am sorry to every mom out there that I judged for not having her kids attached to her side 24/07/365. I am not talking to the moms who spend every weekend in a bar or club but to the moms who take time to themselves to clear their minds.

 I want to say I understand when the weight after your baby did not distribute back to the normal. Also, I want to say it's ok to all the moms who have breastfed their babies. The ones who bent over backwards to eat and drink enough to produce milk even when all you wanted to do was start a diet and fit back into your cute clothes. Its ok that your boobs will never ever look the same, unless you have surgery, because you breastfed like a champ-no matter the latching issues, clogged ducts, every two hour feedings or the span of time you continued to do it.

Falling apart is an easy thing to do no matter how strong the support system you have. Trying to find control sometimes can feel like trying to find a way out of  hell. I have been extremely sensitive, a tad needy, and feel like I am falling apart at times. After I found out my hormones were out of balance and causing the swings of emotion. I started taking HRT(hormone replacement therapy) I felt better, but gained ten pounds in the process. It was a win-lose situation. So I stopped taking the HRT and lost ten pounds the following month. I look better but feel like a mess again. Jesus, will I ever find peace or balance? I live in a world that revolves around being skinny and the pressure to be normal size again has been the most overwhelming thing that has come from having Jack.

Friends have become a saving grace. People come and go but you find out who will stick it out no matter what issues you face. At this point, a small bit of saving grace goes a long way in my world.

Always & Forever,

Nise.