Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It's like I didn't see the penny. I missed the fountain by a couple yards. Miranda Lambert


"I’ll tell you something I am sure of, we’re all afraid. Some of us find ways to hide that fear and some of us don’t. Sometimes I think that we waste our words. And we waste our moments. And we don't take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance." One Tree Hill.

nise.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

William Shakespeare.

Before this semester, I hated the thought of reading anything by Shakespeare. Because of this, when our class was given a poetry essay, I chose to pick a Shakespeare sonnet. We were given seven choices by different writers and asked to give a close reading with our interpretation. I did not go down the list to explore my options. I wanted a challenge for myself as a writer. My interpretations of Shakespeare have always been less than par for my typical. Therefor, I chose Sonnet 130, mixed in a little Sonnet 33 for comparison, and wrapped it up with some light reading of Sonnet 116 that I did not end up adding to the paper.

The paper was a challenge, as expected. However, it turned out better than I had hoped. I laughed at my professor when he told our class, "You might not like him by the end of the semester but you will learn to appreciate him." He was right.

"Love is not love/ Which alters when it alteration finds" Sonnet 116

ann anise.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

masquerade.

Life is hard enough. Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. That's the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea. High ambivalence may be useful in some situations and low ambivalence in others, but this is the latter of the two. My regrets or lack thereof are exactly that- mine. Not even the best little black dress or party could change that. To me, it seems everyone was either partially or totally over it while I was still being hit with shock and trying to understand.

It's all anybody wants, right? Clean slate, a new beginning. Like that's gonna be any easier. Ask the guy pushing the boulder up the hill. Nothing is easy about starting over. Nothing at all.

People who grieve don't like to hear about the not-so-broken-down people. It's just sort of mean. It's sort of like bringing a 6-pack to an AA meeting. The lack of interest in dealing with this is not me playing hard. I don't want to because it turned my life upside down. It is not a ploy. I'm not pouting. I don't want this in my life. Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing is that you can’t control it. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. Remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way, that’s how you survive. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes, and let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

Struggling a bit, but I guess that's what happens when a moment settles, hovers, and then remains for much more than a moment. Grief is like the ocean. It's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. Pain is like a thief in the night...quiet, persistent, unfair...diminished by time and faith and love.

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition...on your own time and in your own way. You can’t hide from life. Eventually, you have to live it. It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people and there’s magic in the world. There’s no magic in the world…at least not today there isn’t.

Sometimes, words fail.  



And is it worth it? Being responsible? Because if you take your vitamins, pay your taxes, and never cut the line the universe still gives you items of value & lets it slip through your fingers like water. & then what do you have? Vitamins & nothing.

My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

ann anise. grey's anatomy. one tree hill


Sunday, September 25, 2011

It was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees.

I'm not always as confident as I seem. There are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. However, there are times when I want to be left alone and not touched. Sometimes, I don't want to talk about what is bothering me. In those moments, I just want a hug and someone who will let me cry. I like when people cry in front of me- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings. It doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded, but I still like to believe that all people are good at heart. I can care or be done easily- please don't abuse that fact. My trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.

I am afraid of being lonely, having my heart broken, not being appreciated or wanted. It scares me that people will not know how much they mean to me. I'm afraid of not understanding. I'm not afraid to be myself or interacting with people who are different than me. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm wrong, but I will rarely admit it publicly.

I do not like being told things just to make me happy. I would rather be told the truth and be hurt than be "protected" and happy. I overreact sometimes. Don't be afraid to tell me I'm wrong or out of line. I like people who are strong enough to face me when I'm raging, who will let me angry for a little while, and who won't think less of me for my somewhat sporadic mood swings. When I'm hurt, I withdraw. I threaten to run away from the situation that is causing me pain. All I want is to be told honestly that I'm loved, and that I should stay. Sometimes I need to hear it multiple times. If you'll be a little persistent, I'll notice and give in. I like food, even if it's not good for me. I like Shakespeare, even though I don't understand him. I love to learn. I ask a lot of questions. Even if you honestly don't know, I will probably continue to ask until you give me an answer.

I like things that make you think, things that make you reexamine your beliefs. I love long showers and the feeling of my teeth after they have been brushed. Needles are no longer a phobia, but spiders and snakes remain constant. A ticking clock is my least favorite sound and can easily drive me insane. If that sound is in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else.

I'm a pack rat. I love the smell of new books, new houses, and new cars. I love Milk Duds and Mellow Yellow. I love sweatpants and having my hair in a messy bun. I love being comfortable and I love being told that I'm beautiful, even if I'm a mess. I love to work, it makes me feel productive and useful. It keeps me from being idle. I hate feeling useless. I love sleep even though I never sleep enough. My dog is better than your dog. I don't care if your dog is small, big, spotted or not.

I love when guys wear cologne, even if they only wear it sometimes. I love wearing a guy's sweatshirt. I'm not unhappy with the way I look, but I don't always think I'm pretty. If you tell me I look good and I disagree, I'll probably tell you but I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm not asking you to roll your eyes and think that I'm doing it because "It's a girl thing." I'm telling you because there are certain days and moments when I really don't feel pretty. Those are the days I change my clothes six times before deciding which shirt I want to wear. Chances are, I won't tell you I took half an hour deciding which shirt to wear but chances are, you'll know.

I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things, even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves. I don't like laziness. I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how. I like mismatched socks and sappy letters. I love to cuddle. I love being close. I love having friends and laughing during class. I love praying. I enjoy studying scriptures. Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday. I love birthdays and Christmas because they bring people together. I admire integrity and honesty. I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love best friends, old friends, and when new friends become old friends.

I believe in love. Real, true, amazing, passionate love. I believe in my self. I believe in other people. I will never give up on the people I really care about, even if they break my heart a thousand times. I believe in God and I know He will never give up on me, even if I break His heart a thousand times.

I could fill a book with my thoughts, and someday I will, I want to be published. I want to be known. I love the city but I want to go home to my family in the country and be happy. I want to be a soccer mom. I want to be a nurse, yes, and I will be. I want to be a wife, a mother, and a friend. I want to help others, starting with my family. I want to love others, starting with myself.

I love blankets, even in the summer. I love fans, even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I used to be a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose and that it was up to us to discover that purpose. Now I believe that more often than not, we won't understand, even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always.

I think clichés are amusing and I feel weird using them to justify things but I do on the rare occasion. I like people and songs that make me think about things. I like people who will not willingly put up with my built walls and try to bring them down. Common sense is a strong point. I hate to be ignored. It's hard to laugh at myself sometimes. I have a hard time letting go and when I love, I love deeply. I'm sincere and genuine. I love but think it's rare when other people are sincere and genuine. I want to be adored, who doesn't? When I date a guy, after time spent, I want him to be absolutely stoked about me. I want it to be okay that I'm stoked about him. I don't want to be told that I'm loved. I want to be shown. I'll never expect more than I am willing to give, but I'll always appreciate it. If you give me the chills, it always means something. I will never admit that I care unless I know you feel the same. If you hurt me, I'm going to mentally build a wall. It's what I do. If I'm angry, I will always tell you about it. I will try to work things out and if I have my way, we will work things out before going to bed. I believe strongly in the scripture in Ephesians that advises not to let the sun go down on your anger.

I have strong opinions. I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak, especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love when people open doors for me and pull out my chair for me. I want to be respected- my feelings and my thoughts. I know how to be desirable. I choose not to be because I do not want what comes when one intentionally creates a sexy persona. I like being told that I'm beautiful because that is nothing I strive to be. I want my boundaries respected.

I like going on walks and holding hands. I like going to the Tybee Island, no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars. I love falling asleep in the arms of someone who loves me. I love waking up in his arms as well. I like being kissed on the forehead and having my back rubbed. I love massages no matter who they're from. If you give me one, I will melt. Guaranteed. I love taking pictures; I don't like when people complain that I take too many. I love laughing, I love being silly, and when people aren't afraid to be weird. I like cartoons. I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. Unless I feel 110% close to you, if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It would have to be spontaneous. Writing is my passion- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "there" instead of "their" or "your" instead of "you're." Once in a while, a mistake is okay but every time you use it is not.


Inside jokes are amazing. Remember whens are mind blowing. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. I will eventually clean it and the next day, it will probably be messy again. It happens. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended but endings bring about strength and teach lessons that could never have been learned otherwise. And I can definitely appreciate that.

I'm dealing with something big right now. I don't like being told to move on. I'm doing the best I can do at this point. Most days, I feel like my best is enough. Other days, I feel like I always seem to come up short. Right now, I don't care if anyone can relate or not because im still hurt, a little insecure, and a tad bit weepy. These are emotions I am not used to and I work on getting out of this rut daily. So what if I haven't bounced back like I usually do? With time, I will learn to live with myself and what happened.

Nise.

Thursday, September 8, 2011




Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees...

Monday, September 5, 2011

ashes...

"I find myself wearing a sackcloth and ashes. Emotions so close to the surface I'm sweating grief. Lacking a corpse, I'm forced to bury my expectations and need for the way things were." I shocked myself by being so upset about something we only had a few months. It was ours. And now I feel like someone gave me everything I wanted for Christmas and then decided to take it back away. In this profound absence, I feel as though there’s been a death. "With so much loss to contend with, each new encounter becomes a small funeral. One moment, I'm calm and sentimental and the next, irrational and angry. Feelings as if people are now cruel traitors in a plot to undermine and hurt one another. I do not know whether to be furious or distraught. I can not make up my mind. Instead, I lay here the next several hours, my body unable to suppress the upset." I'm exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions I have been dealing with the past three days. I hate to be alone right now but can not force myself to be around company. My body is nothing I, or my clothes, recognize. My emotions teeter tottering on the edge of many small explosions. I hate this.

ann anise.

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Truth.

Saw both of these on Facebook tonight and felt the need to share.

"Obama's uncle, Onyango Obama, got arrested for DUI. Okay, we all make mistakes. Now it comes out that he is an illegal alien from Kenya. No wonder we're having problems with illegal aliens. He was asked if he wanted to make a phone call and he said, " I will call the White House." Pray for this country."

"I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I've made several trips, thanks to my friends and family. I'd like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump... and I'm not much on physical activity."
ann anise.

Epic Fail.

WJBF News Channel 6 removed this from their home page but I found it. Epic fail on their part. I hate this. Very disappointing, WJBF.

http://www.mediabistro.com/tvspy/matt-monroe-i-planned-on-spending-the-next-25-years-at-wjbf-as-your-weatherman_b19146

-Missing Matt

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. Josh Billings

I just want to take the time out to point out the obvious and say, I'm Blessed. I am blessed because...

I have the best mom and dad in the world. They support me and have guided me in the right direction my whole life. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I can always count on them to be there and go to bat for me. I might not always like what they have to say but 99.9% of the time, they're right. Even the times I might not see it at that moment.

My grandmother is one of a kind. She is the only grandmother I have ever had and I would not trade her for any other grandmother in the world. Even if your grandmother makes you cookies and spends all her money on you, mine is still better. I miss the summers I spent at her house. I recently visited her house in LC to get some things I had left years ago, and the house still smells like bacon and coffee. That smell=LOVE.

My nephew, brother, sister-in-law, her sister, and their mom make life fun. We are always laughing and making any situation better than ever possible. The time spent with them is priceless and I'm so proud to be apart of their world. They can turn any bad day around when I'm so far down I don't know which way is up.

My boyfriend is amazing and supportive. I love his personality and the way he can always make me smile. We have such a good time together. I met him by chance and it has been a great four months. I never knew how great a relationship could be, until I met him. I truly believe that nothing happens for a reason and I'm so grateful God brought him into my life.

I can always turn to my friends and other family members, no matter what the situation. God has put me in such a great place with friends and family that love me through thick and thin. I would not trade the moments and memories made for anything. They have helped make me into the person I am today and I love them for sharing their lives with me.

I just wanted to take the time out to express how grateful I am and thank God for all He has blessed me with.



ann anise.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

caught in the waves of hesitation, lost in the sea of my own doubt.

Believe me when I say it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that everything I want to say, are the words that should be left unspoken. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes it's impossible to know which to do.



I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all. Janet Finch

nise.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with.

Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, meet Ms. Emotionally Damaged.
A little cliche' but common.

Tommy: "You know what I discovered - it's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with...feel me Felix?"
Dylan: "Yeah, I get it Tommy."
Tommy: "Yeah, you don't. I'm out." (jumps in his boat)
Dylan: "You have a boat?!'
Tommy: "I live in Jersey, and I ain't taking no ferry - unless it's out to dinner and a show!"




Words of wisdom from Tommy, without question. Friday night: Slam Piece. Saturday All Day: Relationship.

Friends with Benefits.

ann anise

Sunday, July 17, 2011

It seems like the simplest concept: just push them all away and you’ll never get hurt.

 
However, the simplest isn’t always the most effective.

Someday, somebody’s going to find their way in, and they’re going to leave you on your knees.

nise.




Monday, July 11, 2011

It may have just been a moment to you, but it changed every single one that followed for me. Ian Thomas

          A few things should be pointed out here, and I'm not saying any of these things because I have countless thoughts running through my head, although the multitude of thoughts are slowly driving me crazy, anyone would point out the same if they were the one in my shoes. By all means, try to follow this erratic writting session, but fair warning now.

          Learning a life lesson is never fun. Actually, it's about as much fun as if your parents took you to the county fair and made you sit from afar while you watched the other kids play. However, if the county fair was anything like the one in Lincolnton, you wouldn't have missed much. But that's beside the point.

          Trusting someone, anyone for that matter, after you have learned a few life lessons can seem like an act of Congress. No, I do not believe in making people in your present and future pay for the mistakes of the many who did not make it further than your past. However, that mantra can be hard to follow at times. 

          Recently, it has come to my attention that I know a good number of people but most never really touch me. The reason for that is because I do not let people get close enough to where they could hurt me. My wall is up 99.9% of the time, unless I find myself at a breaking point. At that moment, and only then, is when I choose to talk to family or a close friend about why my hardened heart has melted like a Hershey's candy bar left out in the sun on the hottest day of summer.

          I understand this is no way to act but up until recently, I never cared enough to even want to try and let someone in. I know you can't imagine it right now but rolling my eyes in sarcasm at the very thought of the quote, "& Then you meet that one person and your life is changed," was a daily thing. And just like anything else, that came back to bite me in the butt. Oh, the life lessons learned, on top of meeting someone by chance, plus that one random person changing your world, and in turn making your guard come tumbling down like the Berlin Wall, 1989.

ann anise.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Joseph Newton

         My hair has been out of control...much like an eight-year-old boy who just rolled out of bed on Saturday morning. My mind? Of course, that was off in another area code. I was finally alone, sitting on the couch, and free to replay the last few weeks in my head as many times as my heart desired. At the risk of sounding or acting dumb, I wanted to make sure I had everything in perspective before I jumped into any conversation. At the chance the wrong someones might read this, I wont go into further detail. 
          To say it has been a trying few weeks would be the understatement of the year. However, I take comfort in knowing God watches over me, I have been through much worse, and He will never give me anything I can not handle. Even when I doubt my abilities, family and friends never do. That's peace of mind I carry with me daily. I will leave my feelings confined to this blog post, as I also did with the past month, and not look back.

nise.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

You can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you. Audrey Hepburn


"Some peole come in your life for a lifetimeand some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take. Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and
leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it. Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might."

ann anise

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

People have a habit of inventing fictions they will believe wholeheartedly in order to ignore the truth they cannot accept. Libba Bray

Each in her own way so brave, so determined, and so very desperate. Desperate to venture out, but afraid of what she'll miss when she goes. Desperate to get everything she wants, even when she's not exactly sure of what that is. Desperate for life to be perfect again, although she realizes it never really was. Desperate for a better future, if she can find a way to escape her past. Desperate Housewives


"She's not like that now. She knows better. She knows now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made. She understands that she might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them. She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for awhile, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy, but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best. You can't always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend . Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell . But you can't stop it. You can't change Gods plan. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge. You don't know what it is and when it happens, and it will hit you like a ton of bricks. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. It might catch you off guard and happen sooner than you think. I mean, ask her. She knows."


nise.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Needing was so easy: it came naturally, like breathing. Being needed by someone else, though, that was the hard part.


You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it's right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe that.
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

          Why does everyone around me seem so certain? I'm not used to being the person confused about answers. However, this state of confusion is becoming more and more familiar as time passes. I frequently have feelings of certainty and clarity that quickly fade as I start to second guess myself. It frustrates me everyone around me can see what I desperately want to set my sights on.
         
          I try. Honestly, I do. I attempt to let my fears go but never fail to stand in my own way--even when I make a conscious effort to move out of my sunlight. Ultimately, I see what I want to see when I'm ready to see it. & when the time is right, I will stop trying over and over to fit a square peg into a round hole. The questions feel like 100lb weights I carry around every day.

ann anise.



Saturday, June 11, 2011

If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

It was happening. I just sat there and watched while my heart broke for her. It was upsetting. I don't understand how the situation has come down to this. I could never understand, even if I tried--which I have.

No one really knows the true inner workings of any relationship. We all speculate, from the outside, about what we are told from others and see for ourselves, but never really know the truth. When eyes and ears are not around to witness events behind closed doors, people are left to their own assumptions. Most all assumptions, in this case, have proven to be wrong. It was not a fairytale, and they are no longer planning to live happily ever after.

This scares me. Everyone I knew had the same exact opinion, about this relationship, as I did. How could we all be so wrong? If it started as a fairytale, why did it fade? No one can answer these questions and people will always continue to surprise me by their lack feelings when dealing with these situations.

You closed your eyes. That was the difference. Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too -- even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.
Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie


ann anise.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Broken Wing.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Isaiah 30:15

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord rescues them from them all. Psalm 34:17-19

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. Psalm 71:20

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," delares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."Jeremiah 29:11-14

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12,13

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. James 1:5-6

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith. And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:7-9,10

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. Exodus 33:14

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9-10

He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

For we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death so that we would rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He who rescued us from so deadly a peril will continue to rescue us; on him we have set our hope that he will rescue us again. 2 Corinthians 1:8b-10

No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

ann anise.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The deepest feelings always show themselves in silence.

Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once...
 

I do...but I dont...& I want to...but I wont. I am...but Im not...& I could...but I just cant. It feels right...but its wrong...& Ive hurt for way too long.

Most people have a harder time letting themselves love then finding someone to love them

So many roads, so many detours. So many choices, so many mistakes. As we drive along this road called life ocassionaly a gal will find herself a little lost. & when that happens I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda buckle up, and just keep going. Sex & The City

Sometimes people want things and sometimes people need things, but very seldomly do people want what they need

Sometimes, we dont see certain things until we're ready to see them in a certain way

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and The City

Sometimes we don't do things that we want to do, so that others don't know we want to do them

Opportunity does not knock, then knock again, and then leave a note saying, "sorry I missed you." That 70's show
 
She's tough. She tries to hide it. She's difficult. But if you make an effort, she's worth it. She's worth the effort. Grey's Anatomy

Always & Forever,

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Nise.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. Psalm 30:5

"And Hansel said to Gretel: Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we can find our way home because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are. Because it's only when you're tested that you truly discover who you are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has."

Ann-Anise.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I know it's hard on a rainy day...you wanna shut the world out and just be left alone. But don't run out on your faith. 'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand. And what you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands. And when you figure out love is all that matters after all. It sure makes everything else seem so small


Ann-Anise.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

you've always been quite the loner

ann-anise,
as a fellow writer, I miss our time we used to have when I'd read your writing and we'd talk about our latest endeavors. so, I'm asking: where are you in life? you really seem to be on fire for the supremacy of God in all things for the joy of all peoples. I just want to hear what's going on in your life: your loves, your fears, your wants, your dreams, your life-stuffs. no rush. I just thought I'd hear you out, or be someone you could vent to if that's what you need at this point in life; you've always been quite the loner ;)

       At 2:15 this morning, I received this message from a friend on Facebook. After reading this, I rolled over in bed and replayed "you've always been quite the loner." It hurt. I know in my heart that the only reason it hurt was because it is true. This is my reply to the countless questions that so many continue to ask, but I never answer.


Where are you in life?
       Since March of last year, I have grown and changed as a person. God has opened my eyes to a whole new world and I am blessed by His love. I still find myself lost from time to time but I have perfected the art of come backs. Recently, I decided it was a good idea to stop praying for patience. When one prays for something like patience, He truly shows what waiting is all about. One has no choice at that point but to accept the blessing and learn happiness throughout all endeavors.

I just want to hear what's going on in your life: your loves, your fears, your wants, your dreams, your life-stuffs.
       I have a new love in my life; His name is Tanner Lee Savage. 8lbs 3oz born at 10:58 in the morning, 01/24/2011. My new nephew is adorable and I'm very proud to say I am his aunt. I do not get to see him very often for the simple fact I still work full time at Augusta ENT, and I attend ASU full time at night. Studying consumes my life and that leaves very little time for anything else. It's sad when I think about it.

       Over time, my wants have never altered, though I have. I still want the same dreams I have always chased. As everyone else I'm sure, I want and strive to not only be happy, but also content. I still have dreams of being a nurse, getting married, having kids, and even after years of marriage, being crazy about the person I spend it with. I work on these dreams everyday.

       I still babysit on the weekends. It is something I have learned to absolutely love. Kids are amazing and they never stop making me laugh. It is a true blessing for so many people to trust me with such big parts of their lives. Kids and adults alike, I enjoy the lessons God continues to teach me by the people He brings in and out of my life.

       Ah, my fears...how I loathe this part of the questionnaire. Like my wants and dreams, my fears do not vary much from what they started out. My fears simply come from the idea I will not make my wants and dreams come true. The idea I will not be enough for someone, or that I am not strong enough to make my dreams happen, will continue to be fears that are all too familiar. These are shortcomings I discuss with God daily. As for the rest of my life, I try to take it day by day. If I try to do more than that, I stumble and sometimes fall. Which is also okay because I have learned how to pick myself up.


I just thought I'd hear you out, or be someone you could vent to if that's what you need at this point in life; you've always been quite the loner ;)
       Ah, I always need someone to vent to. My mother is amazing at this. We still work together and have become very close the last few years. If someone would have asked either of us if we would be working together for several years, we both would have laughed. She has become a major strength in my life.

       The loner part in this message hurt my feelings. Its a fear. Its a hurt. And this is something I have tried so hard to overcome throughout the years...but I haven't. I think it is genetic. So many of my older family members are the same. My family and I discuss the fact I obtained this gene...frequently. This is another fear and reason I continue to make efforts not to be this way. I wont lie, it is so easy being a loner. It comes natural to me. I figure it is an easy way not to get hurt. I realize one can not live like that forever, and being scared is showing lack of faith in Gods plan. This is why I continue to pray and make a conscious effort to be different from the loner label.

To my friend who sent these questions: Thank you for making me write this. I miss you and our talks more than you know.

Always & Forever,

Nise.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

What I Learned From 2010

People aren't dolls, you can't just play with them then put them back in their box. I want no less from anyone than what I'm prepared to give. Silence is HIGHLY underestimated.Trying to understand some people is like trying to light a candle in the rain. There are two types of people who will cut you down in this world: Those who are afraid to try themselves and those who are afraid that you will succeed. We gain power when we refuse to accept less than we deserve. God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. Time may take away a moment, but memory will always bring it back. I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all. But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:25-26. So many of us find ourselves thinking things were so great. Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did. You can either throw in the towel, or use it to wipe off your sweat. People like to label you. I've never like being labelled. I can't take it because I'm never going to do the same thing over and over and over. I hate being limited. I hate being put in a box. Have some fire. Be unstoppable. Be a force of nature. Be better than anyone here, and don't give a damn what anyone thinks. There are no teams here, no buddies. You're on your own. Be on your own.
Nise.

Saturday, January 1, 2011