masquerade.

Life is hard enough. Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. That's the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea. High ambivalence may be useful in some situations and low ambivalence in others, but this is the latter of the two. My regrets or lack thereof are exactly that- mine. Not even the best little black dress or party could change that. To me, it seems everyone was either partially or totally over it while I was still being hit with shock and trying to understand.

It's all anybody wants, right? Clean slate, a new beginning. Like that's gonna be any easier. Ask the guy pushing the boulder up the hill. Nothing is easy about starting over. Nothing at all.

People who grieve don't like to hear about the not-so-broken-down people. It's just sort of mean. It's sort of like bringing a 6-pack to an AA meeting. The lack of interest in dealing with this is not me playing hard. I don't want to because it turned my life upside down. It is not a ploy. I'm not pouting. I don't want this in my life. Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing is that you can’t control it. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change. Remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way, that’s how you survive. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes, and let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

Struggling a bit, but I guess that's what happens when a moment settles, hovers, and then remains for much more than a moment. Grief is like the ocean. It's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. Pain is like a thief in the night...quiet, persistent, unfair...diminished by time and faith and love.

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a position to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition...on your own time and in your own way. You can’t hide from life. Eventually, you have to live it. It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people and there’s magic in the world. There’s no magic in the world…at least not today there isn’t.

Sometimes, words fail.  



And is it worth it? Being responsible? Because if you take your vitamins, pay your taxes, and never cut the line the universe still gives you items of value & lets it slip through your fingers like water. & then what do you have? Vitamins & nothing.

My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

ann anise. grey's anatomy. one tree hill