03/25/2012

From Tamara's facebook.

"I am not a person that does facebook posts often but this is worth posting. I have a minute and feel like this is the first time I've been able to breathe in nearly 3 weeks. Thanks to everyone for their cards, calls,visits, gifts and most of all prayers. We have been blessed with a miracle. Almost three weeks ago my youngest son ,Jesse at 22 years of age was in an auto accident at 1:30 in the afte...rnoon. I was out of town. At 4:00 I got a call from one of my sons that I needed to come home and Jesse was hurt bad. While driving home I got the call from the trauma surgeon telling me he wouldn't make it thru the night. They would try to keep him alive until we got there.

I drove and prayed. Four hours later I walked down the hall toward the shock trauma unit. The hallway and waiting room were filled with friends and acquaintances. I felt the power of prayer and love as I walked by but couldn't speak. I walked into the unit and into the room where he layed surrounded by the trauma team. My family was at my side. I saw what I had expected..my beautiful son laying there on life support. Severe head injury, collapsed lungs, broken collar bone and scapula. They had performed a craniectomy and bilateral chest tubes. I was asked if we wanted clergy. i said yes. Several of are friends are pastors and they appeared at his side. The surgeon asked how far I wanted to go with this and that there was really no point. It was then that I put it all in GOD's hands. I laid my head on his chest and prayed. My husband said to the surgeon , You do all you can , he is our son!" The team went to work and so did GOD.

 

Now today he is off life support, follows commands, sheds tears when he sees me and tries to communicate with us. He has a trach temporarily and can't talk but we can read his eyes. Today a song Jesse and I decided a several months ago was our song came on the CMT station. Rascal Flatts..I Won't let go. We listened and I kissed him and said this is our song and I love you. His reaction was delayed but that too is improving. His reaction was both arms came up and he pulled me close and hugged me like only a son can do for his mother with so much love. He has one procedure to go thru Tuesday then we plan to go to Shephard in Atlanta for rehab hopefully Wed. We have a long road ahead of us but I want to ask you all to continue to pray for him and to thank you all for everything."

 

I took this from Tamara's facebook...I haven't had a moment to gather my thoughts and post. This is a start because sometimes with me, words fail.

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, Jeremiah 30:17.

Nise.

What I learned from 2011.

Looking back at 2011. This is my send off.

It only takes one. One selfish person to ruin everything the other thought was amazing. The married couples, with everything at stake, can still crumble from just one selfish person. On the bright side, it still takes one. One person to love you the right way. One person to give you their all. One person to put all of their trust in you. Just that one...can make all the difference.

The greatest gift any family can be blessed with is a child. God brings such joy to so many through this blessing. However, a positive pregnancy test, sonogram picture, and even hearing a heartbeat is not a concrete promise for anyone.

A person who is always there, no matter what ups and downs, is the one to keep. The one who will drop everything to come get you, no matter where you are, is the one to value. The one who will answer the phone in the middle of a deep sleep, at three in the morning, when they have to get up for work in a few short hours, to meet any need that you feel is so pertinent that it can not wait, is the one to keep.

People will always undervalue you. No matter how great you treat others, or how much effort you put out. I don't care what anyone has to say...you don't always get what you give. The sooner you learn to accept instead of expect, the better off you will be. Learn and know your value so you do not have to settle in any situation.

At some point, you will realize that you are overworked, underpaid, under stress, and under appreciated. At any other given time you will realize you are running out of patience, time, love, money, clothes that fit, cars that run right, and people who treat you right. Fortunately for you, one day you will come to find you have all you need with a few close friends, the family you have left, the job you still have in the crazy economy, and a God that never turns His back on you...even when you continue to turn your back on Him.

There is a huge/gi-normous difference in between love and like, wrong and right. Never run if you're not ready to step. Never forgive unless you're ready to forget.

Not all people are worth keeping in your life. Open your eyes. Even if that person if you...to someone else. Do that other person, or those certain people a favor and leave them alone. Especially if you can't seem to muster up the respect to stop hurting those people.

Finding out who you are or inventing/creating yourself does not happen in high school. It seems really cool and like a popular concept for people who are more lost than I am when I drive out of town, but it just really doesn't happen at a young age. It builds over the years. It comes when you grow older and wiser. It comes from experience, people you choose to surround yourself, mistakes you make, choices you make, the road you want to walk, and the God you pick to follow...if any.

Actions will always scream louder at me than any words that can ever come out of your mouth. No matter how clever or beautiful you dress your words...actions are where it's at.

I have seen days so dark that I would swear God was punishing me, or trying to teach me a lesson. The feeling of wanting to give up, run away, and stay in my room crying...is all to familiar. I have come a long way. The hard thing is the realization that I have such a ways more to go. The only difference now is that I know I can make it through anything with God, my family, and my friends by my side.

I also know what it's like to not just pray but to pray and be heard. I know how it feels to have a relationship so close to God that every move I made fell into place. I know what it's like to be on cloud nine and feel like I could be no higher than that moment. I know what it's like to feel disappointed in myself for letting my relationship with God slip from what it was. Almost like I turned my back on Him because I was neglectful and felt alone. I know I have never been alone and that He loves me no matter how many times I feel like I break His heart.

2011 was a wild ride. I'm glad to see a new year but I will never forget...

Always & Forever,

Ann Anise.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. Josh Billings

I just want to take the time out to point out the obvious and say, I'm Blessed. I am blessed because...

I have the best mom and dad in the world. They support me and have guided me in the right direction my whole life. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I can always count on them to be there and go to bat for me. I might not always like what they have to say but 99.9% of the time, they're right. Even the times I might not see it at that moment.

My grandmother is one of a kind. She is the only grandmother I have ever had and I would not trade her for any other grandmother in the world. Even if your grandmother makes you cookies and spends all her money on you, mine is still better. I miss the summers I spent at her house. I recently visited her house in LC to get some things I had left years ago, and the house still smells like bacon and coffee. That smell=LOVE.

My nephew, brother, sister-in-law, her sister, and their mom make life fun. We are always laughing and making any situation better than ever possible. The time spent with them is priceless and I'm so proud to be apart of their world. They can turn any bad day around when I'm so far down I don't know which way is up.

My boyfriend is amazing and supportive. I love his personality and the way he can always make me smile. We have such a good time together. I met him by chance and it has been a great four months. I never knew how great a relationship could be, until I met him. I truly believe that nothing happens for a reason and I'm so grateful God brought him into my life.

I can always turn to my friends and other family members, no matter what the situation. God has put me in such a great place with friends and family that love me through thick and thin. I would not trade the moments and memories made for anything. They have helped make me into the person I am today and I love them for sharing their lives with me.

I just wanted to take the time out to express how grateful I am and thank God for all He has blessed me with.

ann anise.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. Joseph Newton

         My hair has been out of control...much like an eight-year-old boy who just rolled out of bed on Saturday morning. My mind? Of course, that was off in another area code. I was finally alone, sitting on the couch, and free to replay the last few weeks in my head as many times as my heart desired. At the risk of sounding or acting dumb, I wanted to make sure I had everything in perspective before I jumped into any conversation. At the chance the wrong someones might read this, I wont go into further detail. 

          To say it has been a trying few weeks would be the understatement of the year. However, I take comfort in knowing God watches over me, I have been through much worse, and He will never give me anything I can not handle. Even when I doubt my abilities, family and friends never do. That's peace of mind I carry with me daily. I will leave my feelings confined to this blog post, as I also did with the past month, and not look back.

nise.

You can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you. Audrey Hepburn

"Some peole come in your life for a lifetimeand some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take. Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and

leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it. Finally, there are people who are like roots at the bottom of the tree. If you find yourself two or three people in your entire lifetime that are like the roots, then you are blessed. The roots don't care nothing about being seen. All they're there to do is hold that tree up, to make sure it stays in the air. It comes from the earth to give that tree everything it needs. That's what relationships should be about. That's what you need, people who want to be in your life for the right reasons. If somebody wants to walk out of your life, you've got to LET THEM GO! When you learn to love yourself, you will end up giving standards to everyone around you. Again, I repeat with emphasis, if they don't meet those standards, you have to let them go, because they might be a leaf. And forgive them with all your might."

ann anise

People have a habit of inventing fictions they will believe wholeheartedly in order to ignore the truth they cannot accept. Libba Bray

Each in her own way so brave, so determined, and so very desperate. Desperate to venture out, but afraid of what she'll miss when she goes. Desperate to get everything she wants, even when she's not exactly sure of what that is. Desperate for life to be perfect again, although she realizes it never really was. Desperate for a better future, if she can find a way to escape her past. Desperate Housewives

"She's not like that now. She knows better. She knows now that people lie, and promises can be broken as quick as they are made. She understands that she might never be loved, and too quickly good things fly in front of your eyes before you can reach out and grab them. She knows that you can't change or help time, so every now and then it will just run out. There isn't a place for everyone in the world, so if you're standing alone for awhile, that's why. Not everything in life comes easy, but when you work the hardest, that's when it's the best. You can't always expect people to care, and even when your best friends stab you in the front, don't think for one minute that they didn't already aim for your back. They missed for a reason. She has found out to soon, that in the end, you are your own best friend . Everyone will be broken at some point in their life and more often than not, its gonna hurt like hell . But you can't stop it. You can't change Gods plan. Some things are meant to be and all the pain you go through will end up resulting in something huge. You don't know what it is and when it happens, and it will hit you like a ton of bricks. Overtime, certain things no longer have an affect on you. And that happens because that's the way it supposed to be. But you'll learn all that later in life when little things like a sunrise or a spring rain start to matter. It might catch you off guard and happen sooner than you think. I mean, ask her. She knows."

nise.