Looking back at 2011. This is my send off.
The greatest gift any family can be blessed with is a child. God brings such joy to so many through this blessing. However, a positive pregnancy test, sonogram picture, and even hearing a heartbeat is not a concrete promise for anyone.
A person who is always there, no matter what ups and downs, is the one to keep. The one who will drop everything to come get you, no matter where you are, is the one to value. The one who will answer the phone in the middle of a deep sleep, at three in the morning, when they have to get up for work in a few short hours, to meet any need that you feel is so pertinent that it can not wait, is the one to keep.
People will always undervalue you. No matter how great you treat others, or how much effort you put out. I don't care what anyone has to say...you don't always get what you give. The sooner you learn to accept instead of expect, the better off you will be. Learn and know your value so you do not have to settle in any situation.
At some point, you will realize that you are overworked, underpaid, under stress, and under appreciated. At any other given time you will realize you are running out of patience, time, love, money, clothes that fit, cars that run right, and people who treat you right. Fortunately for you, one day you will come to find you have all you need with a few close friends, the family you have left, the job you still have in the crazy economy, and a God that never turns His back on you...even when you continue to turn your back on Him.
There is a huge/gi-normous difference in between love and like, wrong and right. Never run if you're not ready to step. Never forgive unless you're ready to forget.
Not all people are worth keeping in your life. Open your eyes. Even if that person if you...to someone else. Do that other person, or those certain people a favor and leave them alone. Especially if you can't seem to muster up the respect to stop hurting those people.
Finding out who you are or inventing/creating yourself does not happen in high school. It seems really cool and like a popular concept for people who are more lost than I am when I drive out of town, but it just really doesn't happen at a young age. It builds over the years. It comes when you grow older and wiser. It comes from experience, people you choose to surround yourself, mistakes you make, choices you make, the road you want to walk, and the God you pick to follow...if any.
Actions will always scream louder at me than any words that can ever come out of your mouth. No matter how clever or beautiful you dress your words...actions are where it's at.
I have seen days so dark that I would swear God was punishing me, or trying to teach me a lesson. The feeling of wanting to give up, run away, and stay in my room crying...is all to familiar. I have come a long way. The hard thing is the realization that I have such a ways more to go. The only difference now is that I know I can make it through anything with God, my family, and my friends by my side.
I also know what it's like to not just pray but to pray and be heard. I know how it feels to have a relationship so close to God that every move I made fell into place. I know what it's like to be on cloud nine and feel like I could be no higher than that moment. I know what it's like to feel disappointed in myself for letting my relationship with God slip from what it was. Almost like I turned my back on Him because I was neglectful and felt alone. I know I have never been alone and that He loves me no matter how many times I feel like I break His heart.
2011 was a wild ride. I'm glad to see a new year but I will never forget...
Always & Forever,
Ann Anise.
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