Silly Girl No More :)

Now, I had one of the worst weekends ever, but I'm definitely not drowning in it anymore. I know others just don't care and move on, but me, I need to cry. Fighting it, or even smiling through it, can lead to some very scary times. So my inner six year old threw a special little tantrum regarding fairness - or the lack thereof .

I must say, to my best friend Mandy, that you have made me feel even more grateful for you everyday, even more than I EVER have. The non-judging, supportive, wonderful person who chose to share her time with me. She always understands what I feel, and her first thoughts are of comforting - not shaking.

And that was that. I suddenly felt very silly for having put in so much time worrying about these feelings. Totally unnecessary. I was only trying to be agreeable! The details aren't important, but when it comes to choosing between understanding others shortcomings and just letting go, I've gone with just letting go. I have learned its better than fighting the inevitable.

I only have time to pray about the situations and the people they entail...no longer dwelling on them.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3

Round & Round

You spin so fast its making you sick. Round and round till its so blurry the colors run together. It went on like that, my whole life...until one day I couldn't tell if I was on the ground or still spinning...

Some people whose behavior could, at best, be described as amoral, and at worst, just a hair shy of deliberately cruel. Thats not you, not for one second. And because at the time, you were too busy hating yourself for not having enough of a backbone, you didn't deal with things. Not really. One day, years later, you will wake up and realized you were mad. Really, bone-deep angry.Then and only then will you quit hating yourself long enough to find yourself...and be you.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3

New Way With An Old Voice

I told how I felt. I let my feelings out of the misconbobulated nonsense of my life. Once I let it out I found a small part of myself I used to know. He may have heard me and understood. He may have decided I was just like the rest of them – another black-hatted villain in his serial melodrama. But my guess is the latter, since I haven’t heard another word. I should be sorry or worried. I know I should. But mostly, I am relieved. And no longer disappointed in myself for how good that feels.

Im getting it together...slowly, but I am. I am finding my old self with everyday that passes. I miss that girl. In more ways than one. It feels better everyday finding my way with my old voice.

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3

Let Love Live

The hardest thing is loving someone and then having the courage to let them love you back. But if you know her shit and she knows yours, and at the end of the day if you still would rather give up than try, nothings ever going to be worth it. Maybe think about it this way... you go back, you get to spend the rest of your life having really great makeup sex. Life is not about the party, or how many places you can go out to that night. At the end of the day its about who you go home with and what kind of relationship you have with them. Because at the end of that day, they're the ones that need to matter. Thats what its about...having the love and courage to let love live.

"Suddenly, a familiar song. And, you're off your chair in one, exquisite movement... wondering, searching, sniffing the wind like a dapple deer. Has God heard your little prayer? Will Cinderella dance again? And then, suddenly, the crowds part and there he is: sleek, stylish... radiant with charisma."

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3

Lost

Lost:

I have lost...

time. memories. excitement. momentum. friends. family. my Twister VHS I have watched more than any other movie on earth. one silver earring one of my friends gave me. my brother. my wedding barbie that my aunt gave me before being her flower girl in her wedding. my nerve. uniqueness. sleep. bets. phone numbers. my way to PA. weight. clothes. shoes. hair. my temper. my only grandpa. my first car. Yahtzee. my voice. my mom at a water park. lalla at a football game. my friends at a club in Myrtle Beach. the Super Mario game I used to play with my brother when we were growing up. boyfriends (ha. what a shame). competitions. the game clue I played with my grandma and great aunts in Washington after we ate dinner. love of playing barbies in my grandmas attic while she played solitaire. my way through south side. the ability to stay up all night and partyyy lol. the drive to drink like my friends.

My patience & Mind...

Always & Forever,

Ann-Anise <3