It was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees.

I'm not always as confident as I seem. There are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. However, there are times when I want to be left alone and not touched. Sometimes, I don't want to talk about what is bothering me. In those moments, I just want a hug and someone who will let me cry. I like when people cry in front of me- when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings. It doesn't do anyone any good. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded, but I still like to believe that all people are good at heart. I can care or be done easily- please don't abuse that fact. My trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.

I am afraid of being lonely, having my heart broken, not being appreciated or wanted. It scares me that people will not know how much they mean to me. I'm afraid of not understanding. I'm not afraid to be myself or interacting with people who are different than me. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm wrong, but I will rarely admit it publicly.

I do not like being told things just to make me happy. I would rather be told the truth and be hurt than be "protected" and happy. I overreact sometimes. Don't be afraid to tell me I'm wrong or out of line. I like people who are strong enough to face me when I'm raging, who will let me angry for a little while, and who won't think less of me for my somewhat sporadic mood swings. When I'm hurt, I withdraw. I threaten to run away from the situation that is causing me pain. All I want is to be told honestly that I'm loved, and that I should stay. Sometimes I need to hear it multiple times. If you'll be a little persistent, I'll notice and give in. I like food, even if it's not good for me. I like Shakespeare, even though I don't understand him. I love to learn. I ask a lot of questions. Even if you honestly don't know, I will probably continue to ask until you give me an answer.

I like things that make you think, things that make you reexamine your beliefs. I love long showers and the feeling of my teeth after they have been brushed. Needles are no longer a phobia, but spiders and snakes remain constant. A ticking clock is my least favorite sound and can easily drive me insane. If that sound is in the room, don't expect me to pay attention to anything else.

I'm a pack rat. I love the smell of new books, new houses, and new cars. I love Milk Duds and Mellow Yellow. I love sweatpants and having my hair in a messy bun. I love being comfortable and I love being told that I'm beautiful, even if I'm a mess. I love to work, it makes me feel productive and useful. It keeps me from being idle. I hate feeling useless. I love sleep even though I never sleep enough. My dog is better than your dog. I don't care if your dog is small, big, spotted or not.

I love when guys wear cologne, even if they only wear it sometimes. I love wearing a guy's sweatshirt. I'm not unhappy with the way I look, but I don't always think I'm pretty. If you tell me I look good and I disagree, I'll probably tell you but I'm not fishing for compliments. I'm not asking you to roll your eyes and think that I'm doing it because "It's a girl thing." I'm telling you because there are certain days and moments when I really don't feel pretty. Those are the days I change my clothes six times before deciding which shirt I want to wear. Chances are, I won't tell you I took half an hour deciding which shirt to wear but chances are, you'll know.

I support and appreciate people who can argue their point in an educated manner, who have a logical reason for things, even if I don't agree. I don't like when people can't support themselves. I don't like laziness. I'm trying to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and I admire people who know how. I like mismatched socks and sappy letters. I love to cuddle. I love being close. I love having friends and laughing during class. I love praying. I enjoy studying scriptures. Valentine's Day is my least favorite holiday. I love birthdays and Christmas because they bring people together. I admire integrity and honesty. I love when people aren't "too tough" to forgive. I love best friends, old friends, and when new friends become old friends.

I believe in love. Real, true, amazing, passionate love. I believe in my self. I believe in other people. I will never give up on the people I really care about, even if they break my heart a thousand times. I believe in God and I know He will never give up on me, even if I break His heart a thousand times.

I could fill a book with my thoughts, and someday I will, I want to be published. I want to be known. I love the city but I want to go home to my family in the country and be happy. I want to be a soccer mom. I want to be a nurse, yes, and I will be. I want to be a wife, a mother, and a friend. I want to help others, starting with my family. I want to love others, starting with myself.

I love blankets, even in the summer. I love fans, even in the winter. Fresh air and natural light cure just about anything. I used to be a firm believer that everything happens for a purpose and that it was up to us to discover that purpose. Now I believe that more often than not, we won't understand, even if we find an answer. Regardless, I believe that everything works out for the best. Always.

I think clichés are amusing and I feel weird using them to justify things but I do on the rare occasion. I like people and songs that make me think about things. I like people who will not willingly put up with my built walls and try to bring them down. Common sense is a strong point. I hate to be ignored. It's hard to laugh at myself sometimes. I have a hard time letting go and when I love, I love deeply. I'm sincere and genuine. I love but think it's rare when other people are sincere and genuine. I want to be adored, who doesn't? When I date a guy, after time spent, I want him to be absolutely stoked about me. I want it to be okay that I'm stoked about him. I don't want to be told that I'm loved. I want to be shown. I'll never expect more than I am willing to give, but I'll always appreciate it. If you give me the chills, it always means something. I will never admit that I care unless I know you feel the same. If you hurt me, I'm going to mentally build a wall. It's what I do. If I'm angry, I will always tell you about it. I will try to work things out and if I have my way, we will work things out before going to bed. I believe strongly in the scripture in Ephesians that advises not to let the sun go down on your anger.

I have strong opinions. I will share them, but only when I feel so inclined. Generally speaking, I think before I speak, especially in large groups. But once you get to know me, I am an open book. Don't be put off by my apparent shyness because shy is the last thing to describe me accurately. I love when people open doors for me and pull out my chair for me. I want to be respected- my feelings and my thoughts. I know how to be desirable. I choose not to be because I do not want what comes when one intentionally creates a sexy persona. I like being told that I'm beautiful because that is nothing I strive to be. I want my boundaries respected.

I like going on walks and holding hands. I like going to the Tybee Island, no matter what time it is. I like looking at the stars. I love falling asleep in the arms of someone who loves me. I love waking up in his arms as well. I like being kissed on the forehead and having my back rubbed. I love massages no matter who they're from. If you give me one, I will melt. Guaranteed. I love taking pictures; I don't like when people complain that I take too many. I love laughing, I love being silly, and when people aren't afraid to be weird. I like cartoons. I love to sing, even though I'm not very good at it. Unless I feel 110% close to you, if you ask me to sing for you, I probably won't. It would have to be spontaneous. Writing is my passion- get used to it. Even the simplest language is beautiful if phrased correctly. I don't like when people use "there" instead of "their" or "your" instead of "you're." Once in a while, a mistake is okay but every time you use it is not.

Inside jokes are amazing. Remember whens are mind blowing. My room is usually messy because I usually don't have time to clean it. I will eventually clean it and the next day, it will probably be messy again. It happens. I would rather carry out the plans than create the plans. I love beginnings, but I know that endings have to come before beginnings can happen. Some of the most beautiful things in my life have ended but endings bring about strength and teach lessons that could never have been learned otherwise. And I can definitely appreciate that.

I'm dealing with something big right now. I don't like being told to move on. I'm doing the best I can do at this point. Most days, I feel like my best is enough. Other days, I feel like I always seem to come up short. Right now, I don't care if anyone can relate or not because im still hurt, a little insecure, and a tad bit weepy. These are emotions I am not used to and I work on getting out of this rut daily. So what if I haven't bounced back like I usually do? With time, I will learn to live with myself and what happened.

Nise.

Life is short, but this time it was bigger than the strength she had to get up off her knees...

ashes...

"I find myself wearing a sackcloth and ashes. Emotions so close to the surface I'm sweating grief. Lacking a corpse, I'm forced to bury my expectations and need for the way things were." I shocked myself by being so upset about something we only had a few months. It was ours. And now I feel like someone gave me everything I wanted for Christmas and then decided to take it back away. In this profound absence, I feel as though there’s been a death. "With so much loss to contend with, each new encounter becomes a small funeral. One moment, I'm calm and sentimental and the next, irrational and angry. Feelings as if people are now cruel traitors in a plot to undermine and hurt one another. I do not know whether to be furious or distraught. I can not make up my mind. Instead, I lay here the next several hours, my body unable to suppress the upset." I'm exhausted from the roller coaster of emotions I have been dealing with the past three days. I hate to be alone right now but can not force myself to be around company. My body is nothing I, or my clothes, recognize. My emotions teeter tottering on the edge of many small explosions. I hate this.

ann anise.

The Truth.

Saw both of these on Facebook tonight and felt the need to share.

"Obama's uncle, Onyango Obama, got arrested for DUI. Okay, we all make mistakes. Now it comes out that he is an illegal alien from Kenya. No wonder we're having problems with illegal aliens. He was asked if he wanted to make a phone call and he said, " I will call the White House." Pray for this country."

"I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I've made several trips, thanks to my friends and family. I'd like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump... and I'm not much on physical activity."
ann anise.

Epic Fail.

WJBF News Channel 6 removed this from their home page but I found it. Epic fail on their part. I hate this. Very disappointing, WJBF.

http://www.mediabistro.com/tvspy/matt-monroe-i-planned-on-spending-the-next-25-years-at-wjbf-as-your-weatherman_b19146

-Missing Matt

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. Josh Billings

I just want to take the time out to point out the obvious and say, I'm Blessed. I am blessed because...

I have the best mom and dad in the world. They support me and have guided me in the right direction my whole life. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I can always count on them to be there and go to bat for me. I might not always like what they have to say but 99.9% of the time, they're right. Even the times I might not see it at that moment.

My grandmother is one of a kind. She is the only grandmother I have ever had and I would not trade her for any other grandmother in the world. Even if your grandmother makes you cookies and spends all her money on you, mine is still better. I miss the summers I spent at her house. I recently visited her house in LC to get some things I had left years ago, and the house still smells like bacon and coffee. That smell=LOVE.

My nephew, brother, sister-in-law, her sister, and their mom make life fun. We are always laughing and making any situation better than ever possible. The time spent with them is priceless and I'm so proud to be apart of their world. They can turn any bad day around when I'm so far down I don't know which way is up.

My boyfriend is amazing and supportive. I love his personality and the way he can always make me smile. We have such a good time together. I met him by chance and it has been a great four months. I never knew how great a relationship could be, until I met him. I truly believe that nothing happens for a reason and I'm so grateful God brought him into my life.

I can always turn to my friends and other family members, no matter what the situation. God has put me in such a great place with friends and family that love me through thick and thin. I would not trade the moments and memories made for anything. They have helped make me into the person I am today and I love them for sharing their lives with me.

I just wanted to take the time out to express how grateful I am and thank God for all He has blessed me with.

ann anise.

caught in the waves of hesitation, lost in the sea of my own doubt.

Believe me when I say it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that everything I want to say, are the words that should be left unspoken. Maybe it's just me, but sometimes it's impossible to know which to do.

I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all. Janet Finch

nise.