A Blessed Rant.

It's 11:26 as I sit down to write this rant. The past hour leading up to this point was full of tossing and turning in my bed with a restless mind. I'm exhausted but can not sleep. This is yet another joy of pregnancy...or the hell I currently reside in called the third trimester. Maybe I'm being dramatic but when sleep, or lack thereof, is on the line then drama plays a big part. Tossing, turning, and peeing an average of 10 times a night is a new normal now. Laying with back pain which I can catch no relief from with any new position, or waking of up from a dead sleep with severe legs cramps, that feels like someone is ripping off my calf muscle are both nightly events. All this happening in the midst of trying my hardest not to wake Zack up from his deep sleep. No wonder I'm tired all day. I know this is nothing that any other pregnant woman hasn't already gone through but I do like to share how this is going. I was laying in bed thinking about this blog so instead of laying there, holding my pee, and trying to get comfortable...I decided to just get up and write it.

Other than this rant, Jack, Zachary, and I are doing great. Jack moves so much these days and we are so excited to meet him. The countdown is in the single digits now and it makes me happy, anxious and have to catch my breath just thinking about how close we are to meeting this sweet little boy. Having a supportive and loving bunch around Zack and I makes all the difference in this life changing event for us.

Nise.

Everything Is You.

Eternal flame came on the radio
And I remember how you loved it so
Memories sneak up on me, wherever I go

A car like you used to drive
Pulled beside me today at the light
Chances to break down and cry wherever I go

And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I'm weak
How'd you turn so cold? Where's the girl I used to know?

An inside joke comes to mind
We'd wear them out all the time
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go

And it seems you've disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me it's not true...I didn't mean that much to you

And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
Now I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you

What did I do wrong? Nothing. I treated you like an angel.
I treated you like an angel...


ann anise.
[Eli Young Band]

misery loves company.

     It is March already and I have not posted a blog in two months. I have good reason for my actions...or lack thereof. I didn't want to use my blog as an extreme venting session. However, the more I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that my blog has changed, into what I needed it to be for me, over the years. From that conclusion alone, I decided that I will use MY blog as whatever I need it to be. If others do not like this...then by all means stop coming to my site. Just like any other post, if you can not understand my train of thought clear enough to read through to the end then you shouldn't strain your brain. If you can, congrats to you.

This rant I would like to discuss...My Maybe Girl.

     Even though she is older than me she is in fact a girl...and far from that which I consider a woman. Maybe one day she will learn that her actions and words not only hurt others but also hurts her character. No wonder she is single and falls in and out with her "friends." Maybe one day she will be able to find someone in life who wants to put up with her. Because as a former friend, I no longer will.

     Oh My Maybe Girl, one day you will look back and realized you screwed yourself out of a great friend. Sorry I can't always hang out because I have a full time job and life. Thank you God that my real friends and family love me no matter how much time passes in between seeing each other. It's called growing up hun and having a life you love coming home to, and understanding others do too. Life isn't about going out, running the streets, or how many times in a week you get to drink and/or party.

     Another point I would like to share for My Maybe Girl is that no matter how mad you are at me or anyone else. It NEVER gives you the right to put your hands on someone. We are not adolescent and you should be grateful you got nothing in return. That will only happen once.

     I have never, yes I can honestly say NEVER, had someone not like me for no reason. 100% of the time anyone has ever disliked me I was either mean, a serious smartass, or hurt them in some way. I have NEVER had someone dislike me because they're jealous I take away going out/partying time from another. Grow up girl. I had always been nice, seen you more than I have my friends/family in past months, and never treated you or anyone you love badly. Therefor, I consider you disliking me for no reason. Jealousy, selfishness, and self-centered-ness are your own problems and are not reasons to dislike someone who has done nothing wrong.

     Readers believe me when I say, I can count on one hand, and not use all my fingers, how many times I have been able to say "I have done nothing wrong in this situation." This is one rare exception. I get in myself trouble by my actions, words, and lack of respect at times but I am always willing to apologize, admit when I am wrong, and try to make things better. HOWEVER, in this situation I did nothing wrong and I feel sorry for My Maybe Girl, honestly.

     When others say they are happy and choose not to indulge as frequent in the dead in street My Maybe Girl can't seem to turn around, that should be a great thing for anyone who cares. Just because My Maybe Girl is so far away from growing up the least bit doesn't mean other people can not grow up any. When others are not living life My Maybe Girl's way, she can not wrap her head around it long enough to understand that people are allowed to grow and be happy. People almost always find a significant other they enjoy, less time is spent with others, and love grows. That doesn't mean that people care or love their family and friends any less...it's just how things work. It's part of life.

     My Maybe Girl, the only thing you can do besides act the way you have recently, is to open your eyes and be happy for others. Be happy for others who have found happiness and have found others in life who treat them right and do not hold them back from anything. Be happy, not jealous, for others who have found something great...even if it's not the exact life they once had, or the life you still have. Just because someone doesn't live life the way you think they should, that gives no grounds for you to question happiness, make lives harder, or try to take that way. Shame on you.

     One good thing did come from my eye opening encounter with My Maybe Girl. I learned to appreciate my few true friends and close family even more. They are straight blessings from my God.

I'll continue to pray for My Maybe Girl.

Reliable Friends are Hard to Find & Faithful Friends are a Rare Treasure. Proverbs 20:6 & Proverbs 18:24

always & forever,

nise.

What I learned from 2011.

Looking back at 2011. This is my send off.

It only takes one. One selfish person to ruin everything the other thought was amazing. The married couples, with everything at stake, can still crumble from just one selfish person. On the bright side, it still takes one. One person to love you the right way. One person to give you their all. One person to put all of their trust in you. Just that one...can make all the difference.

The greatest gift any family can be blessed with is a child. God brings such joy to so many through this blessing. However, a positive pregnancy test, sonogram picture, and even hearing a heartbeat is not a concrete promise for anyone.

A person who is always there, no matter what ups and downs, is the one to keep. The one who will drop everything to come get you, no matter where you are, is the one to value. The one who will answer the phone in the middle of a deep sleep, at three in the morning, when they have to get up for work in a few short hours, to meet any need that you feel is so pertinent that it can not wait, is the one to keep.

People will always undervalue you. No matter how great you treat others, or how much effort you put out. I don't care what anyone has to say...you don't always get what you give. The sooner you learn to accept instead of expect, the better off you will be. Learn and know your value so you do not have to settle in any situation.

At some point, you will realize that you are overworked, underpaid, under stress, and under appreciated. At any other given time you will realize you are running out of patience, time, love, money, clothes that fit, cars that run right, and people who treat you right. Fortunately for you, one day you will come to find you have all you need with a few close friends, the family you have left, the job you still have in the crazy economy, and a God that never turns His back on you...even when you continue to turn your back on Him.

There is a huge/gi-normous difference in between love and like, wrong and right. Never run if you're not ready to step. Never forgive unless you're ready to forget.

Not all people are worth keeping in your life. Open your eyes. Even if that person if you...to someone else. Do that other person, or those certain people a favor and leave them alone. Especially if you can't seem to muster up the respect to stop hurting those people.

Finding out who you are or inventing/creating yourself does not happen in high school. It seems really cool and like a popular concept for people who are more lost than I am when I drive out of town, but it just really doesn't happen at a young age. It builds over the years. It comes when you grow older and wiser. It comes from experience, people you choose to surround yourself, mistakes you make, choices you make, the road you want to walk, and the God you pick to follow...if any.

Actions will always scream louder at me than any words that can ever come out of your mouth. No matter how clever or beautiful you dress your words...actions are where it's at.

I have seen days so dark that I would swear God was punishing me, or trying to teach me a lesson. The feeling of wanting to give up, run away, and stay in my room crying...is all to familiar. I have come a long way. The hard thing is the realization that I have such a ways more to go. The only difference now is that I know I can make it through anything with God, my family, and my friends by my side.

I also know what it's like to not just pray but to pray and be heard. I know how it feels to have a relationship so close to God that every move I made fell into place. I know what it's like to be on cloud nine and feel like I could be no higher than that moment. I know what it's like to feel disappointed in myself for letting my relationship with God slip from what it was. Almost like I turned my back on Him because I was neglectful and felt alone. I know I have never been alone and that He loves me no matter how many times I feel like I break His heart.

2011 was a wild ride. I'm glad to see a new year but I will never forget...

Always & Forever,

Ann Anise.

The Truth.

Saw both of these on Facebook tonight and felt the need to share.

"Obama's uncle, Onyango Obama, got arrested for DUI. Okay, we all make mistakes. Now it comes out that he is an illegal alien from Kenya. No wonder we're having problems with illegal aliens. He was asked if he wanted to make a phone call and he said, " I will call the White House." Pray for this country."

"I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito, either. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I've made several trips, thanks to my friends and family. I'd like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump... and I'm not much on physical activity."
ann anise.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. Josh Billings

I just want to take the time out to point out the obvious and say, I'm Blessed. I am blessed because...

I have the best mom and dad in the world. They support me and have guided me in the right direction my whole life. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I can always count on them to be there and go to bat for me. I might not always like what they have to say but 99.9% of the time, they're right. Even the times I might not see it at that moment.

My grandmother is one of a kind. She is the only grandmother I have ever had and I would not trade her for any other grandmother in the world. Even if your grandmother makes you cookies and spends all her money on you, mine is still better. I miss the summers I spent at her house. I recently visited her house in LC to get some things I had left years ago, and the house still smells like bacon and coffee. That smell=LOVE.

My nephew, brother, sister-in-law, her sister, and their mom make life fun. We are always laughing and making any situation better than ever possible. The time spent with them is priceless and I'm so proud to be apart of their world. They can turn any bad day around when I'm so far down I don't know which way is up.

My boyfriend is amazing and supportive. I love his personality and the way he can always make me smile. We have such a good time together. I met him by chance and it has been a great four months. I never knew how great a relationship could be, until I met him. I truly believe that nothing happens for a reason and I'm so grateful God brought him into my life.

I can always turn to my friends and other family members, no matter what the situation. God has put me in such a great place with friends and family that love me through thick and thin. I would not trade the moments and memories made for anything. They have helped make me into the person I am today and I love them for sharing their lives with me.

I just wanted to take the time out to express how grateful I am and thank God for all He has blessed me with.

ann anise.

It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with.

Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, meet Ms. Emotionally Damaged.
A little cliche' but common.

Tommy: "You know what I discovered - it's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with...feel me Felix?"
Dylan: "Yeah, I get it Tommy."
Tommy: "Yeah, you don't. I'm out." (jumps in his boat)
Dylan: "You have a boat?!'
Tommy: "I live in Jersey, and I ain't taking no ferry - unless it's out to dinner and a show!"




Words of wisdom from Tommy, without question. Friday night: Slam Piece. Saturday All Day: Relationship.

Friends with Benefits.

ann anise