A Blessed Rant.

It's 11:26 as I sit down to write this rant. The past hour leading up to this point was full of tossing and turning in my bed with a restless mind. I'm exhausted but can not sleep. This is yet another joy of pregnancy...or the hell I currently reside in called the third trimester. Maybe I'm being dramatic but when sleep, or lack thereof, is on the line then drama plays a big part. Tossing, turning, and peeing an average of 10 times a night is a new normal now. Laying with back pain which I can catch no relief from with any new position, or waking of up from a dead sleep with severe legs cramps, that feels like someone is ripping off my calf muscle are both nightly events. All this happening in the midst of trying my hardest not to wake Zack up from his deep sleep. No wonder I'm tired all day. I know this is nothing that any other pregnant woman hasn't already gone through but I do like to share how this is going. I was laying in bed thinking about this blog so instead of laying there, holding my pee, and trying to get comfortable...I decided to just get up and write it.

Other than this rant, Jack, Zachary, and I are doing great. Jack moves so much these days and we are so excited to meet him. The countdown is in the single digits now and it makes me happy, anxious and have to catch my breath just thinking about how close we are to meeting this sweet little boy. Having a supportive and loving bunch around Zack and I makes all the difference in this life changing event for us.

Nise.

Overview.

 

How far along? 16 weeks, 3 days.
Total weight gain/loss: Really? 5-7lbs honestly. It looks and feels like a lot more.
Maternity clothes? Those maternity jeans make an appearance now and then. I also have a belly band, but very few of my jeans fit anymore. All my work pants are still comfortable.
Stretch marks? One new. That's about it.

Sleep: Sleeping on my tummy is uncomfortable. Sleeping on my back...I wish but mostly sides.
Best moment this week: The excitement of waiting for out next appt this coming Thursday the 21st to find out the gender.
Miss Anything? Fitting in cute clothes.
Movement: None.

Food cravings: Spicy food!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not a thing.

Have you started to show yet: I have been showing, haha.
Gender prediction: Who cares as long as we have a healthy and happy baby.
Belly Button in or out? In and getting deeper.
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy but I do have mood swings.

Looking forward to: This next appt!

 

Nise.

13 Weeks.

Halfway to Heaven- Brantley Gilbert

For me, it goes without saying that the past two months of 2012 have been a little overwhelming. This is the first time I have had a minute to update my blog and explain so much I have wanted to say.

03/25/2012 Jesse is in a life changing wreck.

04/25/2012 My dad leaves with Journey Community Church Mission Team for the Dominican Republic.

04/27/2012 My nursing supervisor, Cathy Sue Ashmore, passed away at age 58 from a massive heart attack.

04/29/2012 Mine and Zack's one year anniversary.

                   Cathy Sue's viewing in Lincolnton.

04/30/2012 Tanner has surgery at MCG...which went well.

                   Augusta ENT closes at one for Cathy Sue's funeral in Thomson.

CSA: Cathy Sue was my supervisor, teacher, and other mother. The advice she has given me the past four and a half years will forever stay close to heart. This was a shock most still can't understand but I have no choice but to trust God's timing. My mother lost a close friend with the loss of Cathy Sue. I hate my dad was away on his Mission trip and she had to go through some hard days home alone and over the phone with me.

I can still hear Cathy Sue and Dr. Harmon picking with each other. The sound of her voice telling stories about her two children and grandchildren plays over and over in my head. Her laugh and facial expressions...something I could never forget.

AAA: I'm so proud of my dad and the change God has made in his life. The lives he, and the Mission Team, will touch through this trip will be amazing. The experience will change their lives forever. My dad did manage to call and wish my mom happy anniversary since he was absent for that also. This made my moms week so much better considering the situation.

JPW: The night of Jesse's wreck I spent with his family surrounded by the MCG ICU nursing staff keeping him alive through life support. I'm shocked and blessed to be so close to the family that they wanted me in the room with them at that time.When I walked in the room all the air felt like it was sucked out. When the doctor came in and told us that he had less that a 1% chance to survive the night, time seemed to stop. I flashed back...

I went back to open house for 7th grade. Jesse had been at a different school for a few years and was coming back the second year of middle school. I remember walking down the crowded halls with my parents and seeing Jesse's mom. She was beautiful and had the longest, darkest hair I had ever seen. Beside her was Jesse. Even though I hadn't seen him in a few years I knew it was him. He had a leather jacket on and didn't say much as he walked in Mrs. Hill's class as we walked out. We became friends the first day of 7th grade when we were sat by our last names and he was right behind me. Through the years we shared classes where I always sat in front of him due to alphabetical seating charts, he would call during downtime between barrel races when he was in the horse trailer from his mom's cell, we rode horses and dirt roads, spent summers at the lake, stuck it out as friends through a lot of hard times...and that book of things could go on forever but I flashed back to the hospital.

For the first time in my life, I pulled out the miracle card. ( This is the card you don't pull out and pray for except in an extreme life or death emergency. I feel a person only has one, maybe two, of these in a lifetime and should use with caution. If abused more than once or twice, God might not take the situation seriously...hints the boy who cried wolf situation.) That night was my first and maybe only use of the miracle card. My mom always says you should have a relationship with God before the time you are on your knees and begging for his help...and you don't have to worry, a situation will come when you are put on your knees and that's not the time to start a relationship. My relationship with God has grown so much the past two years and I was fully comfortable pulling that card for the first time. I take the use with caution and have never played with the idea of praying for such a big thing in my life. However, this was Jesse and I had no choice but to talk to God, explain the situation(which he already knew), pray for Him to be present in the room, and start begging and pleading for a miracle to come from this situation.

I spent every lunch break, and many evenings, for three weeks by Jesse's side in shock trauma ICU at MCG. He is now in rehabilitation in Atlanta and I can no longer visit as often. His wreck forever changed the lives of so many...including my own.

TLS: My nephew, Tanner had surgery at MCG to correct an issue I will not discuss further. He is doing well and Kristina says he seems back to his normal self. I thank God he was with the doctors,Tanner, Kristina, and Daniel the day of his surgery and things went smoothly.

ZMB: On a brighter note. Despite the craziness of the past two months, Zack stuck by my side. I'm blessed to have a relationship where we both enjoy and appreciate each other so much. We talk all the time, trust, support, take care, and love each other. These are things neither one of us have fully experienced at all times, before we found each other. I can't thank God enough for such an amazing gift.   
 
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Nise.              

03/25/2012

From Tamara's facebook.

"I am not a person that does facebook posts often but this is worth posting. I have a minute and feel like this is the first time I've been able to breathe in nearly 3 weeks. Thanks to everyone for their cards, calls,visits, gifts and most of all prayers. We have been blessed with a miracle. Almost three weeks ago my youngest son ,Jesse at 22 years of age was in an auto accident at 1:30 in the afte...rnoon. I was out of town. At 4:00 I got a call from one of my sons that I needed to come home and Jesse was hurt bad. While driving home I got the call from the trauma surgeon telling me he wouldn't make it thru the night. They would try to keep him alive until we got there.

I drove and prayed. Four hours later I walked down the hall toward the shock trauma unit. The hallway and waiting room were filled with friends and acquaintances. I felt the power of prayer and love as I walked by but couldn't speak. I walked into the unit and into the room where he layed surrounded by the trauma team. My family was at my side. I saw what I had expected..my beautiful son laying there on life support. Severe head injury, collapsed lungs, broken collar bone and scapula. They had performed a craniectomy and bilateral chest tubes. I was asked if we wanted clergy. i said yes. Several of are friends are pastors and they appeared at his side. The surgeon asked how far I wanted to go with this and that there was really no point. It was then that I put it all in GOD's hands. I laid my head on his chest and prayed. My husband said to the surgeon , You do all you can , he is our son!" The team went to work and so did GOD.

 

Now today he is off life support, follows commands, sheds tears when he sees me and tries to communicate with us. He has a trach temporarily and can't talk but we can read his eyes. Today a song Jesse and I decided a several months ago was our song came on the CMT station. Rascal Flatts..I Won't let go. We listened and I kissed him and said this is our song and I love you. His reaction was delayed but that too is improving. His reaction was both arms came up and he pulled me close and hugged me like only a son can do for his mother with so much love. He has one procedure to go thru Tuesday then we plan to go to Shephard in Atlanta for rehab hopefully Wed. We have a long road ahead of us but I want to ask you all to continue to pray for him and to thank you all for everything."

 

I took this from Tamara's facebook...I haven't had a moment to gather my thoughts and post. This is a start because sometimes with me, words fail.

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, Jeremiah 30:17.

Nise.

What I learned from 2011.

Looking back at 2011. This is my send off.

It only takes one. One selfish person to ruin everything the other thought was amazing. The married couples, with everything at stake, can still crumble from just one selfish person. On the bright side, it still takes one. One person to love you the right way. One person to give you their all. One person to put all of their trust in you. Just that one...can make all the difference.

The greatest gift any family can be blessed with is a child. God brings such joy to so many through this blessing. However, a positive pregnancy test, sonogram picture, and even hearing a heartbeat is not a concrete promise for anyone.

A person who is always there, no matter what ups and downs, is the one to keep. The one who will drop everything to come get you, no matter where you are, is the one to value. The one who will answer the phone in the middle of a deep sleep, at three in the morning, when they have to get up for work in a few short hours, to meet any need that you feel is so pertinent that it can not wait, is the one to keep.

People will always undervalue you. No matter how great you treat others, or how much effort you put out. I don't care what anyone has to say...you don't always get what you give. The sooner you learn to accept instead of expect, the better off you will be. Learn and know your value so you do not have to settle in any situation.

At some point, you will realize that you are overworked, underpaid, under stress, and under appreciated. At any other given time you will realize you are running out of patience, time, love, money, clothes that fit, cars that run right, and people who treat you right. Fortunately for you, one day you will come to find you have all you need with a few close friends, the family you have left, the job you still have in the crazy economy, and a God that never turns His back on you...even when you continue to turn your back on Him.

There is a huge/gi-normous difference in between love and like, wrong and right. Never run if you're not ready to step. Never forgive unless you're ready to forget.

Not all people are worth keeping in your life. Open your eyes. Even if that person if you...to someone else. Do that other person, or those certain people a favor and leave them alone. Especially if you can't seem to muster up the respect to stop hurting those people.

Finding out who you are or inventing/creating yourself does not happen in high school. It seems really cool and like a popular concept for people who are more lost than I am when I drive out of town, but it just really doesn't happen at a young age. It builds over the years. It comes when you grow older and wiser. It comes from experience, people you choose to surround yourself, mistakes you make, choices you make, the road you want to walk, and the God you pick to follow...if any.

Actions will always scream louder at me than any words that can ever come out of your mouth. No matter how clever or beautiful you dress your words...actions are where it's at.

I have seen days so dark that I would swear God was punishing me, or trying to teach me a lesson. The feeling of wanting to give up, run away, and stay in my room crying...is all to familiar. I have come a long way. The hard thing is the realization that I have such a ways more to go. The only difference now is that I know I can make it through anything with God, my family, and my friends by my side.

I also know what it's like to not just pray but to pray and be heard. I know how it feels to have a relationship so close to God that every move I made fell into place. I know what it's like to be on cloud nine and feel like I could be no higher than that moment. I know what it's like to feel disappointed in myself for letting my relationship with God slip from what it was. Almost like I turned my back on Him because I was neglectful and felt alone. I know I have never been alone and that He loves me no matter how many times I feel like I break His heart.

2011 was a wild ride. I'm glad to see a new year but I will never forget...

Always & Forever,

Ann Anise.

Overview from 2011

Yes, I am well aware have not posted since November. Yes, I am also aware that my blogging habits seem to always slack at the end of each year. No, I do not have an excuse but instead I offer an explanation as to why I have made my yearly slacking habit extend a little longer than normal. That explanation being I have been taking time for myself. I am very proud at how far I have come the past few months...especially looking back and seeing how far I slipped and fell.

Overview of 2011.

January

Tanner was born.

February

Uncle Elmo died

March

Donna & I spend days in LC spending time and helping with Tanner

Photo shoot

April

Spring Break in Myrtle Beach with my girls.

Masters Week

Alan's birthday

Met Zack while out for Donna's birthday

May

Memorial Day at the lake

Met Zack's parents

Giving figure skating lessons

June

Ice rink closes

Heather & I pick the guys up from their Vegas trip      

Kyle and Cara's wedding reception

Kristina's birthday at the lake

Donna & I go to the Mountains

July

Zack and I start officially start dating

Tanner's 6 month check up

Heather's birthday night

Yahtzee and Scrabble

Movies with Heather & Ken

Lake with Kristina & Donna

August

We tell our parents and friends our exciting news

School starts back at ASU

Brian Adams concert

Bowling

WJBF News Channel 6 lets Matt go. Fail.

Met Zack's Granny

Trip to NC

September

Zack & I have an upsetting loss

Coffee Club Winner

My first plane ride

Trip to Boston to watch two Red Sox games

Ate the best Italian food while in Boston

Augusta ENT moved into Sutherland Mill

October

My 22nd birthday

Found a love for William Shakespeare

Hunting 

Weekends at the lake

Homecoming game

Sonny died

November

More weekends at the lake

Roasting marshmallows

Clearing the lake lot

Almost setting the lake house on fire

Babysitting Tanner

Mom's Birthday

Thanksgiving in Lincolnton and Columbia

December

Heather asks me to be in her and Ken's wedding

Christmas party

Nickie's birthday night

Christmas in Augusta and Lincolnton

Ice rink re-opens and I take Zack skating for his first time ever

New Years Eve at Chads

                                      

The time past so fast. Experience was had. Lessons were learned. Losses seemed to dominate. God elevated me from the dark. Assuring His love is limitless, and His strength endless. 

Looking back...gains were immeasurable.

Always & Forever,

Ann Anise.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. Josh Billings

I just want to take the time out to point out the obvious and say, I'm Blessed. I am blessed because...

I have the best mom and dad in the world. They support me and have guided me in the right direction my whole life. Even though we don't always see eye to eye, I can always count on them to be there and go to bat for me. I might not always like what they have to say but 99.9% of the time, they're right. Even the times I might not see it at that moment.

My grandmother is one of a kind. She is the only grandmother I have ever had and I would not trade her for any other grandmother in the world. Even if your grandmother makes you cookies and spends all her money on you, mine is still better. I miss the summers I spent at her house. I recently visited her house in LC to get some things I had left years ago, and the house still smells like bacon and coffee. That smell=LOVE.

My nephew, brother, sister-in-law, her sister, and their mom make life fun. We are always laughing and making any situation better than ever possible. The time spent with them is priceless and I'm so proud to be apart of their world. They can turn any bad day around when I'm so far down I don't know which way is up.

My boyfriend is amazing and supportive. I love his personality and the way he can always make me smile. We have such a good time together. I met him by chance and it has been a great four months. I never knew how great a relationship could be, until I met him. I truly believe that nothing happens for a reason and I'm so grateful God brought him into my life.

I can always turn to my friends and other family members, no matter what the situation. God has put me in such a great place with friends and family that love me through thick and thin. I would not trade the moments and memories made for anything. They have helped make me into the person I am today and I love them for sharing their lives with me.

I just wanted to take the time out to express how grateful I am and thank God for all He has blessed me with.

ann anise.