13 Weeks.

Everything Is You.

Eternal flame came on the radio
And I remember how you loved it so
Memories sneak up on me, wherever I go

A car like you used to drive
Pulled beside me today at the light
Chances to break down and cry wherever I go

And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I'm weak
How'd you turn so cold? Where's the girl I used to know?

An inside joke comes to mind
We'd wear them out all the time
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go

And it seems you've disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me it's not true...I didn't mean that much to you

And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
Now I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you

What did I do wrong? Nothing. I treated you like an angel.
I treated you like an angel...


ann anise.
[Eli Young Band]

A Flash.

A reflection from this past Tuesday night. What was that night? It changed so much.

I was driving home and the road was less deserted than normal. However, I looked in my rear view when I heard the roaring purr of a Harley. This is a sound I know all to well. It's the sound of home, my mothers custom bike, my dads many bikes, and the love of Bike Week that floods my mind in less than a second when heard. But this sound came with alarm. The bike, still behind me, started to sway...heavily. The thought of a possible wreck seemed so far from the moment but flashed in my mind just the same. Just as quick as the flashing thought came and went, so did the wreck that unfolded before my eyes before I could blink. Immediately I pulled to my far right side of the road, slammed on breaks, put my car in park, snatched the keys from my ignition, and took off running to help. The stranger was my mom, my dad, their friends who road with us on trips...he was family. When I got to the pile of mess the bike was still running with his exhaust pipe resting on his lower left leg. I racked my brain thinking of all the times I watched my mom and dad turn their bikes on and off. I found the button and switched it off as soon as I could remember...seconds were turning into forever. I felt like I was moving in slow motion as I tried to lift his bike off of him. (I flashed back to my mom dropping her bike for the first time and how heavy she said it was) I struggled and wondered where the super strength from the adrenaline was that everyone always talks about during intense moments. I look up from my struggle and see another couple pull over in front of my car. The guy stepped from the drivers side with his phone calling 911. Oh, 911...in the monumental seconds before these other strangers arrived, I did not even think to make that call. The girl ran to my side and I tell her to put her hands on the back and lift the bike as I did the same to the front. Glass digs into my side but I know I can't stop. I had to get this off of him. Once the bike was off I could see the outermost damage. The girl at my side starts to scream and cry at the sight of the mans burnt leg. Only bone was left from the burning pipe. She continues to scream and cry as she falls to her knees on the glass covered road. I sink to the mans head and brace him between my hands. I hold him as still as possible as I look him up and down. Blood everywhere. Blood from the ear. Not good. Focus. "Sir! Can you tell me your name?" He replied with a wordless groan at first and then moaned, "I don't know. I can't breathe. Take my helmet off." I shook my head in disbelief at the situation and said, "I can't do that. I'm going to hold you here until help comes...help is coming." I said this as if I was trying to convince myself that help would arrive and things would be alright again. The couple was in their car I'm guessing. The driver trying to calm the girl maybe. I was glad. I couldn't focus with the sound of her cries that were louder than my thoughts. Looking down, blood covered my arms and hands from his ears, mouth, and nose. There was nothing I could apply pressure to in hope of getting the blood to stop flowing over my arms. It was constant. I prayed for him as I heard the distant rings of help in the air. All of my flashes suddenly stopped once he was loaded into the ambulance. I stood on the side of the road alone, blood dripping from the tips of my fingers as the paramedic handed me a towel to wipe off. I felt like I should go with him so he wasn't alone. I wouldn't want to be alone. Instead, I recieved the paramedics number to call later for an update. They drove off and I returned to my car. Time seemed to stop. I didn't know how long I had been on the side of the road or what I should do next....

I drove home with the mans white beard stained with blood flashing in my head. I called later to find out the man did not make it to the hospital and died in route....

I have been tormented with 'what ifs', flashbacks from the wreck, and a strangers face the last two nights.

ann anise.

Halfway to Heaven- Brantley Gilbert

For me, it goes without saying that the past two months of 2012 have been a little overwhelming. This is the first time I have had a minute to update my blog and explain so much I have wanted to say.

03/25/2012 Jesse is in a life changing wreck.

04/25/2012 My dad leaves with Journey Community Church Mission Team for the Dominican Republic.

04/27/2012 My nursing supervisor, Cathy Sue Ashmore, passed away at age 58 from a massive heart attack.

04/29/2012 Mine and Zack's one year anniversary.

                   Cathy Sue's viewing in Lincolnton.

04/30/2012 Tanner has surgery at MCG...which went well.

                   Augusta ENT closes at one for Cathy Sue's funeral in Thomson.

CSA: Cathy Sue was my supervisor, teacher, and other mother. The advice she has given me the past four and a half years will forever stay close to heart. This was a shock most still can't understand but I have no choice but to trust God's timing. My mother lost a close friend with the loss of Cathy Sue. I hate my dad was away on his Mission trip and she had to go through some hard days home alone and over the phone with me.

I can still hear Cathy Sue and Dr. Harmon picking with each other. The sound of her voice telling stories about her two children and grandchildren plays over and over in my head. Her laugh and facial expressions...something I could never forget.

AAA: I'm so proud of my dad and the change God has made in his life. The lives he, and the Mission Team, will touch through this trip will be amazing. The experience will change their lives forever. My dad did manage to call and wish my mom happy anniversary since he was absent for that also. This made my moms week so much better considering the situation.

JPW: The night of Jesse's wreck I spent with his family surrounded by the MCG ICU nursing staff keeping him alive through life support. I'm shocked and blessed to be so close to the family that they wanted me in the room with them at that time.When I walked in the room all the air felt like it was sucked out. When the doctor came in and told us that he had less that a 1% chance to survive the night, time seemed to stop. I flashed back...

I went back to open house for 7th grade. Jesse had been at a different school for a few years and was coming back the second year of middle school. I remember walking down the crowded halls with my parents and seeing Jesse's mom. She was beautiful and had the longest, darkest hair I had ever seen. Beside her was Jesse. Even though I hadn't seen him in a few years I knew it was him. He had a leather jacket on and didn't say much as he walked in Mrs. Hill's class as we walked out. We became friends the first day of 7th grade when we were sat by our last names and he was right behind me. Through the years we shared classes where I always sat in front of him due to alphabetical seating charts, he would call during downtime between barrel races when he was in the horse trailer from his mom's cell, we rode horses and dirt roads, spent summers at the lake, stuck it out as friends through a lot of hard times...and that book of things could go on forever but I flashed back to the hospital.

For the first time in my life, I pulled out the miracle card. ( This is the card you don't pull out and pray for except in an extreme life or death emergency. I feel a person only has one, maybe two, of these in a lifetime and should use with caution. If abused more than once or twice, God might not take the situation seriously...hints the boy who cried wolf situation.) That night was my first and maybe only use of the miracle card. My mom always says you should have a relationship with God before the time you are on your knees and begging for his help...and you don't have to worry, a situation will come when you are put on your knees and that's not the time to start a relationship. My relationship with God has grown so much the past two years and I was fully comfortable pulling that card for the first time. I take the use with caution and have never played with the idea of praying for such a big thing in my life. However, this was Jesse and I had no choice but to talk to God, explain the situation(which he already knew), pray for Him to be present in the room, and start begging and pleading for a miracle to come from this situation.

I spent every lunch break, and many evenings, for three weeks by Jesse's side in shock trauma ICU at MCG. He is now in rehabilitation in Atlanta and I can no longer visit as often. His wreck forever changed the lives of so many...including my own.

TLS: My nephew, Tanner had surgery at MCG to correct an issue I will not discuss further. He is doing well and Kristina says he seems back to his normal self. I thank God he was with the doctors,Tanner, Kristina, and Daniel the day of his surgery and things went smoothly.

ZMB: On a brighter note. Despite the craziness of the past two months, Zack stuck by my side. I'm blessed to have a relationship where we both enjoy and appreciate each other so much. We talk all the time, trust, support, take care, and love each other. These are things neither one of us have fully experienced at all times, before we found each other. I can't thank God enough for such an amazing gift.   
 
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Nise.              

03/25/2012

From Tamara's facebook.

"I am not a person that does facebook posts often but this is worth posting. I have a minute and feel like this is the first time I've been able to breathe in nearly 3 weeks. Thanks to everyone for their cards, calls,visits, gifts and most of all prayers. We have been blessed with a miracle. Almost three weeks ago my youngest son ,Jesse at 22 years of age was in an auto accident at 1:30 in the afte...rnoon. I was out of town. At 4:00 I got a call from one of my sons that I needed to come home and Jesse was hurt bad. While driving home I got the call from the trauma surgeon telling me he wouldn't make it thru the night. They would try to keep him alive until we got there.

I drove and prayed. Four hours later I walked down the hall toward the shock trauma unit. The hallway and waiting room were filled with friends and acquaintances. I felt the power of prayer and love as I walked by but couldn't speak. I walked into the unit and into the room where he layed surrounded by the trauma team. My family was at my side. I saw what I had expected..my beautiful son laying there on life support. Severe head injury, collapsed lungs, broken collar bone and scapula. They had performed a craniectomy and bilateral chest tubes. I was asked if we wanted clergy. i said yes. Several of are friends are pastors and they appeared at his side. The surgeon asked how far I wanted to go with this and that there was really no point. It was then that I put it all in GOD's hands. I laid my head on his chest and prayed. My husband said to the surgeon , You do all you can , he is our son!" The team went to work and so did GOD.

 

Now today he is off life support, follows commands, sheds tears when he sees me and tries to communicate with us. He has a trach temporarily and can't talk but we can read his eyes. Today a song Jesse and I decided a several months ago was our song came on the CMT station. Rascal Flatts..I Won't let go. We listened and I kissed him and said this is our song and I love you. His reaction was delayed but that too is improving. His reaction was both arms came up and he pulled me close and hugged me like only a son can do for his mother with so much love. He has one procedure to go thru Tuesday then we plan to go to Shephard in Atlanta for rehab hopefully Wed. We have a long road ahead of us but I want to ask you all to continue to pray for him and to thank you all for everything."

 

I took this from Tamara's facebook...I haven't had a moment to gather my thoughts and post. This is a start because sometimes with me, words fail.

But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the LORD, Jeremiah 30:17.

Nise.